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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and i split up for almost 6 months, he says he missed me like mad and i missed him but we both admitted to having other partners while we were apart.He slept with a friend of his sisters who we often used to go out clubbing with and i just cant accept it. I dont think she is more attractive than me but i do worry that he will continue to see her, he says it was just sex but she flew out to see him while he was away and they slept together then too. Im jelous and worrie,how can i forget this?He says we have to forget this if we want to move on, and i do want to make a go of things but cant stop feeling that she must have been good in bed if he did it more than once with her and the thought is kiling me, the last two days i havent been able to get it out of my head and im going crazy.What can i do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2006): You have to face the fact that it was her he slept with.
Ask him to get back together and give him some great sex!
A
female
reader, missbunbury  +, writes (22 February 2006):
 I think the answer below is a little negative, considering you've already told us that you want to stay with this man. The most important thing for you to remember here is that the two of you were NOT together when he did what he did, so there's really no reason for you to be angry at him about this. I can understand your feelings of jealousy though, it's always hard to think about someone we love having had other partners. The thing you need to do though is to accept that not only was he free to do what he did, but you also did the same thing - as you say, you BOTH had other partners. So you really do need to forget this, otherwise the two of you will spiral into a hell of accusations and jealousy. You need to trust this man, and if you can't find it within yourself to do that, you need to leave him. Try and think about how you would feel if he were the one obsessing over whoever you slept with during your break - you'd feel pretty helpless because you'd know the truth yourself, but have no way to convince him. This is probably exactly how he feels. The only way forward here is for you to think about this differently - at the end of the day, you're the one he's chosen to be with, and you should be moving on together as a couple instead of letting some random girl get in the way. It really doesn't matter how good she was in bed; he's obviously turned down the chance to do anything more than have sex with her - you're the one he loves. I would suggest you avoid the girl for a while, to give yourself time to calm down, and make sure your focus is on how great a boyfriend you have and how good a couple you make. I think he's worth trusting - he hasn't been unfaithful as you were broken up at the time, and he's been honest with you about what happened during that break. Please don't let your own insecurity get in the way of your happiness - accept that you feel hurt by what happened, but also accept that the hurt you feel is dangerous and needs to be controlled. Make a huge effort to put this to the back of your mind - every time you start to think about it, distract yourself somehow. Gradually, I promise, you will stop thinking about it at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006): If you can't handle it dont pretend you can! My ex slept with my best friend, a friend of both of ours and many others...yet the one's you know are harder to deal with I think. As much as I tried I couldn't forgive it. Evaluate what it is you are willing and able to forgive and go from there. Its just a waste of time trying to force yourself if you simply can't accept it. Pretty obvious that neither of you should be friends with this girl...What a bitch!..I dont think it even matters that you were apart or not...Some people are simply off limits and she's crossed the line there. Your boyfriend should realise and accept the complication he's inflicted here!! You're completely right about them doing it twice...there's obviously no regret to it being a mistake then is there? If he says it was he's either a bloody lier or a completely brainless moron! Get rid of the wanker he can't expect you to live with that in the back of your mind all the time. It will be hard to let him go but trust me its harder to pretend you've forgiven something like that when its against your moral grain!! Get another man and start fresh I reckon!! good luck!!
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