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male
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anonymous
writes: Before we were married my wife asked me what my fantasy was...not really one to fanasize, what came to my head was a asian woman. She said nothing at the time and a few weeks later asked me what seemed to be fraised in a joking matter....if you came up to me at a bar and didnt know me and I was standing next to a asian woman, who would you hit on. since I thought we were playing around I said the asian woman. WOW she freaked!! I realized she was serious and because of what was said weeks before she now thinks my number one choice in woman would be asian. I dont think I will ever live this down because I have spent hours explaining that I knew what she was asking and just said the oposite of what she wanted to hear. boy what a insenitive mistake. I try over and over to explain but because of the first question of fantasy, I sealed my fate. while we dated I told her she was every thing I wanted in a woman, thats why the question didnt seem valid. she should have known how I felt. I feel like a jerk now because she feels like I settled for her, as she puts it second best. I hate what I have done and dont know how to correct it. please help. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2006): when she was asking what you fantasy was she was probably expecting you to say her dressed up in a kinky maids outfit or sommin , i ask my husband all the time so we can talk dirty about it or dress up etc, how horrified she must of been when you came out and said your fantasy is a completely differant woman!
and then why on earth say that youd choose the asian woman over her! were you trying to hurt her , make her jealous or something?!
i dont see an easy way to correct it, i could think of a million reasons why someone would lie saying it wasnt true but not one reason why someone would lie just to hurt thier partner.
maybe you should show her your posting on this site if she reads you asking for help and explaining it here to others then it may help her to see you were just messing
good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006): She asked you to share this with her she's the one that made the mistake by freaking out!! Don't dig unless you can deal with what you may find! Her reacting like that is only gonna make you rethink every question she asks instead of responding with a spontaneous and honest response. You gotta sort that out quick smart!! What did she say her fantasy was? Trick questions like that really suck..women want you to answer with exactly the right response...your right in a way that you screwed up but it shouldn't have to be this way I dont believe!! The fact is that this is the reality of the world in most cases!! Its a hard one to get out of when she knew it was a trick and you just thought it was some honest fun. Fantasies are just that...not meant to come true in most cases. Maybe some role-playing would help...dress up as asians !LOL! she might have fun..but then again if she's that hung up on it this idea might backfire..ummmmm....Dont know that there's any quick fix to this one trying to make up for it might have to be the go... Find out what her what her fantasy date would be like (maybe without directly asking her as she may catch on!)then try to set it up as close to it as you can to suprise her - apologize to her for hurting her feelings and maybe explain how your fantasy has now changed since you met her and your living it right now...with her!?! Say how you thought it was just a joke and you said the first thing that came into your head and that it wasn't really something you could care less about but that you didnt realise truely what your fantasy was but now you do!! (give flowers and kiss her)..."Its you!!" Bit soppy ay? she's obviously looking for some sort of validation it might just work ...what have you got to lose? Sorry I can't think of anything better at the moment...Good Luck with it..Women never forget! You just have to drown out the negatives with positives...sumthin like that anyways!?!?!? CYA!
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A
female
reader, lisa_01  +, writes (22 February 2006):
 i sorta feel she was setting you up, she knew the answer, i think she only asked you that because she wanted to make you feel bad because she may have been hurt that you liked asian women, she really set herself up to get hurt, she was the one asking the questions and you where being honest with her, this would have been a different story if you just told her this without her asking or wanting ot know but you didnt, so dont feel bad stop stressing, just tell her you love her and if she is going to stress about this just say if i prefered asian women over you then i would not be hear, tell her she is the only women you would ever want and your happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006): She's being a cry-baby. Damn it! Not your fault really. You tell her this:- I admit I like Asian women- But I love you and everything you are- Just like I like Kokanee- But I love Warre's Special Reserve passionately [laughs]Am I settling for Port just because I also like Kokanee? Am I settling for you (wife) just because I also like Asian women? (proceed to give her something nice and treat her to a massage and bake cake for her too)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006): Ask her one question - Does she honestly think you're so bad with women that you couldn't have found an asian woman if that was what you wanted? It's insulting to you both. Tell her you love her and then stop apologizing.
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