A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex-boyfriend and I just broke up Saturday, after he found a text message saying that I was going to break up with him after my birthday (Friday) because I found numerous texts from him to a coworker that he deleted (he uses a text system that acts like e-mail, so even if he deletes it only once its still in the trash folder) To put things straight, he is a very closed off guy, has a bit of a personality that he is above everything and not too many people try to be his friend. He can be really rude and not understand that he is being rude. People we both knew were shocked that he and I got together because of our personalities. I am.. I guess you could say "playful" and "free spirited" and am a bit of a social butterfly. He lives for ten years from now, I live for the time being, not recklessly. We had been together for about two years, lived together and all -- but he's always from the get go.. been a bit "my way" as well as being OCD on things. Such being, it really upset him when I only turned the toothpaste halfway and not all the way. I would try to always make sure I sealed it tight, but there would be an occasional time I'd forget, and he'd be very upset about it. He never yelled or called me names, but he always had a condescending tone to him. For the most part, he is an intelligent man and can be incredibly frugal. But that's good, though. :P In the relationship, I feel like I wasn't as important as others to him because I was a woman. When it came to actually having a connection, he didn't really care about my life and what I was doing. When I walked in the door, he wouldn't even say hi, but his roommate would say "HEY HOW ARE YOU!" I never felt like I was what he wanted, and that he honestly just grabbed me because there was an attraction, but that he was tired of being alone. I found myself in a million situations with him where he could do something, but I couldn't. Or it was okay for him to treat me this way, but not me to him. I remember finally painting after three years, and he criticized it rather than "it looks good". I bought him a book once, and he laughed at me because he "doesn't read books and that was a bad gift" although the book had significant meaning to a conversation we had had, and he had an entire bookcase of books he read. I also owed him $50 from last Christmas, because we made the agreement to spend $300 on each other, but his gift he got me went over $30, and he had to drive two hours to get it, so that means $20 in gas that I have to pay back for the gift. He has always had an issue with my weight, too. He never called me fat, but he always made comments about what I ate or how much I ate and that I needed to stop eating unhealthily. He said he was concerned because he was afraid I would let myself go if we had kids together. He is typically attracted to little tiny blonde petite girls and has always dated those, whereas I am tall, brunette, and have meat to me.A month and a half ago, we broke up for the first time, because I couldn't bare anymore how lowly I would feel around him, so I left. A week later, he begged for me to come back and try again. While a little hesitant to fully open myself back up to him, I agreed and we tried to work things out. A month later, that's when I found the text messages. We fought a lot, this past month, but I mainly felt like I wasn't having a fair share of respect in the relationship and once again, he could do this and this but I couldn't. I always was told "It's different." When in actuality, it was not. Just the names and the scenery were different.I am struggling with getting over this. I keep getting told I'll find someone new eventually, but I feel quite bummed and hopeless, regardless. I just need go ideas to help get past the pain. I know the key factor is time, but I feel low about myself too. I lost my self worth in the relationship, and this guy reminds me of a guy I dated for five years that was much more mentally abusive than this guy. I want to know how everyone else has gotten over people they really were deeply in love with.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): It will get better in a few weeks you'll be amazed how much better you will start to feel. You are young & have so much to look forward to, don't settle for a man who doesn't make you feel good about yourself or who keeps tabs on how much you owe for a gift... You'll look back one day & laugh at this. Trust me!!!
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