A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone, I've got a few relationship questions, and I'd be grateful if you answer at least one of them!We've been together for 9 months. He is my first real boyfriend. We're pretty comfortable around each other and can talk about almost everything. In the beginning, I asked him if he was ever in love, and he said that at the time when he was with someone, he didn't think so, but looking back... he realizes that he was indeed in love. How come he didn't know it at the time? Isn't being in love something you would just know?It took him 8 months to say "I love you". He apologized for taking so long to say it. He told me I am amazing and that one day I'll realize that I'm too good for him. He's never been with someone for that long without breaking up (he dated some girls for short times, had a couple of 1-year off-on relationships...). He says he loves being in a relationship that stable and long with me. It's a new territory for both of us, and looks we're doing well. Also, I'm the first gf whom his family approves of. So the questions for this part are - what did he mean by me being too good for him and implying that I'll leave him when I realize it? And why so long for him to say "I love you"?Lastly, just recently when I asked him a question about his ex's, he started talking about them using their names. He had never told me their names before, even when I asked him similar questions in the past... Does that mean anything?
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female
reader, emochick27 +, writes (24 February 2011):
 I hate to say it sweetie but he's telling you to move on! I've heard that one myself before and he has already moved on and doesn't want to hurt you and be the one to end it and seem like an A hole!
A
female
reader, Snowe +, writes (23 February 2011):
When a boy says that, that means he has done something wrong. Plain and simple, he cheated.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): When I read the title, I was going to be cynical and say "One day you'll realize you're too good for me" is the male equivalent of a woman saying, "It's not you, it's me". Typically, people use either statement to untangle themselves from commitment and try to spare the other's feelings.
In your case, I don't think that's the case, because he also appears to be opening up to you and discussing his past and his feelings honestly. Perhaps you don't like what he's saying, but if he's being that honest with you, I would think he's trying to build some sort of intimacy with you. I wouldn't ruin that intimacy and the growth you two have had by questioning his vocabulary or being overly suspicious.
I would also agree with your boyfriend about "love". It's not something you always know you feel at the time. It is definitely something that you can realize in retrospect. If he treats you with love and respect, that's all I'd really worry about at this point. I also would try not to measure "love"; for instance how long he took to say the words.
You seem to be anxious that he doesn't truly love you and so you look for alternate explanations or pick apart what he says. He's being honest, intimate, and he's told you he loves you. He may even feel a bit insecure about it and say what he did about not being good enough. He seems to be taking a personal risk with you and his own feelings.
Have you considered that perhaps he's anxious that you don't love him? Instead of wondering about him, why not ask yourself if you love him and tell him so?
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A
female
reader, TeaLady +, writes (23 February 2011):
 He is dumping you.
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