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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been in this rollercoaster of a relationship for about 7 years. We have a 5 year old son and I'm pregnant 5 months pregnant. He has struggled for some time with getting stable. During that time he spoke of marriage and everything was we, we, we. He just landed a job about 1 month ago. 2 days before he got his first paycheck he made up a reason to split. All this time (1yr) he's been living with me and I've been basically holding things down.As I have everytime, we got back together over the past couple of years. My heart is extremely torn apart. He begged me to have this baby. When we got back together this time he begged me to love him again. Besides this, I just lost my mom about a year ago. My father six months ago. My brother is in jail for life. I'm adopting his kids. I can't possibly fathom that a man that I've been with all these years would do such a thing to me with no distain. Am I over looking something. What is going on?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): Just a thought, you are adopting your brother's kids? Do you think that this is wise, under the circumstances?
I agree that you should cut your losses with your boyfriend, dignity is priceless. But you must put your own children first.
I am sure you love your nieces/nephews, but you are really not in a position at the moment, pregnant and suddenly single, coping with grief [and I have lost my dad recently, too, so I know] and your brother's sentence.
How much could you give the children, really? And I don't mean financially.
Babies take up a lot of time. It would probably be the very best thing to make other plans for them.
It doesn't mean you don't care, it means you are being sensible and realistic about your own and the children's needs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionU know, I kinda already know the answers to these questions. What the hell is up with these dead beat guys? They make u lose faith in the good men.I spoke with him today. He said that he is tired of me controlling him and I don't really want to be with him. It's like the scenario when a guy starts an argument at home to storm out the door and go and be with someone else. He started an argument because he didn't want to take responsibility now that he was able to do so. Their is an amazingly sad feeling in my body right now. I've been used and violated. I feel like I been raped but I can't prove it. And believe it or not,it's not about another woman. This much I can bet on. It's just his selfishness. He's selfish to his bones. Trust me...I just thought he had changed. I thought he was ready.
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (18 September 2006):
 You need to speak to him and try to get some answers out of him, be prepared that he may not have the answers you are wanting or even know the answers himself, you also need to work out what you really want, do you love him? are you still with him because of love or because of habit? are you prepared to spend another few years in a relationship like this? on the chance that if he does come back things may never be any different not only that you have a child and one on the way and surely if things aren't going to change your children will suffer too.
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A
female
reader, Twiggygal +, writes (18 September 2006):
 Hello there.
My first instinct is that there may be another woman, or perhaps he fears committment as you have been rocky for several years.
I'm really now sure, but I would suggest calling him to figure out why he left, and what his plans are. If he is planning on coming back, you better ask the serious questions if he is around for good, or not. If he isn't, don't let him just come and go as he pleases, it may be rough, but kick him to the curb if he just wants to leave whenever he feels the urge to run away.
If you need to talk, message me sometime. :)
I understand you're going through rough times and my heart goes out to you.
Sincerely,
Twiggygal
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male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (18 September 2006):
 It sounds like he's a real putz. . . and it sounds like he was using you to support him. You're better off without him. Now that he has a paycheck, nail him for child support and move on.
Good luck!
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