A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidMy bf of 3 years never talks about our future together, whenever i brought it up, he chnages the topic or says future is never certain. Yesterday i made him talk about our future, now he says he doesnt see us as a couple and he just wants to have fun until he meets the one.He never talked like these before, dont know what context im supposed to take this, that he is pissed off that i nagged him or does he simply meant wat he said. What should i do now, please help me Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2013): Why don't you just take him at face value. he said (a) he doesn't want to be with you long term (b) he is happy to have a casual relationship for now but he wants to find someone else.
Why search for any deeper meaning than this?? How much clearer and plainer can he spell it?
hey at least he was finally honest. that saves you a lot of time. It would be worse if he lied to your face saying he wants to marry you some day but secretly didn't and just kept putting it off to buy time until they met someone else (I known guys who did that to my friends).
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): It certainly sounds like you need to sit him down and talk about your relationship; explain to him how his comment has made you feel. If he genuinely meant what he said then you need to consider if that is the type of relationship you want to be in and if he didn't mean it then maybe explore what prompted him to answer in the way he did. If there is not a sufficient explanation then it comes back to you deciding what you want for your relationship because you can only control your own behaviour and actions. If he isn't treating you in a way you would welcome for how future or if he doesn't have a similar vision of the future as you do then maybe it's time to set your stall out; tell him what is and isn't acceptable to you, how you consider the future for you both and that you are willing to walk away from the relationship, if these things are so fundamentally different to your expectations! Then it's up to you to either ensure his attitude towards you and the relationship is in line with yours or to have the self belief to walk away, recover and pursue a new and more fulfilling relationship. Whatever your decide, best of luck to you x
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 March 2013):
 So he's told you that he likes you as a place-holder and a sex partner, and wants to keep that as your "status" until he finds some girl who he will like better, and will want to make HER his NEW P-H and S/P? Delightful guy you've got there.....
Do you REALLY want to be a place-holder and sex partner to a guy who thinks so little of you that he would mouth-out those words??????
You can do SO MUCH better. Give him his walking papers this afternoon...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 March 2013):
 Your boyfriend has informed you that you aren't his girlfriend. What do you do know? You get all your friends and family to support you as you get over the break up. Sorry it ended with a fizzle, but at least you know now where you stand.
Break ups are rough but the good news is that once you get past the mourning, you'll be single and available to meet a guy who will be better for you!
Chin up, go be brave, ask for help and support from your friends and family.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 March 2013):
 In this case I would listen to his words.
I have not seen his actions but I bet they match.
He's only going to stay with you as long as no one else catches his eye....
I think you should do the same thing.
Three years together at your age... he knows what he wants and what's going on... if he has not progressed the relationship with you past dating... that's probably all you are going to get from him.
What should you do now?
Well if it was me, and I knew that I wanted more with a man than he was willing to give me, I'd start making an exit plan and I'd leave him before he left me.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 March 2013):
 He meant EVERY word of it. So it's up to you now. DO YOU want to just be his fun? Or do YOU want to find a guy who you can see yourself with long term and who sees you in the same light?
I'd end it. I'm sorry but I wouldn't want to be someone's security blanket while he looks for greener grass, screw that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): He definitely meant what he said OP. There is no chance he would have said something that enormous without meaning it.
You have no boyfriend OP, to him you're just a "bit of fun". So either accept that, keep your legs and the "fun" open for him or move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): Woman dont listen when a guys tells you some thing, you hope that he means otherwise.
He means it, when someone better comes along, he will dump you. You should not even be asking this question or advise. You need to dump him and stop letting him use u. Harsh but u just sex to him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): So that means YOUR single and free to date whomever you please, so go meet a real man and leave this loser to his *fun*
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A
male
reader, Been Through It +, writes (8 March 2013):
 Most likely he doesn't want to be challenged with the questions about the future. Most men don't and miss the boat. Then again woman like to push hard and the relationship takes and awkward turn. It's was very deceiving of him to say what he did.
Marriage should not be an option because there is nothing else out there and you spent the last 3-5 years together. It has to be real. It has to have a serious amount of love to start that flame. It needs to understand it will need a lot of work to keep that flame burning. Unfortunately most young (or first timers) view marriage as an end. His brutal honesty, may be something he needs to experience before he can really get serious enough to move forward. It's a shame, because he has wasted a portion of your time and emotions together. You two are obviously at a pivotal point in your relationship. You opened the door, he is calling your bluff and now it's time to make changes. You need to be strong on whatever you decide. Anyone can tell you to leave him, but they are not the one who just spent the last three years emotionally attached to him. Easier said then done. You guys need to have a serious, civil conversation about what the future holds. Maybe there is a compromise, and maybe he can see what he really has in front of him. Nagging is not going to get you anywhere, Fighting about it is only going to make him want to be out more. No one wants to be forced into that type of commitment. So really think about how you want to talk to him, and find a way to have a serious conversation about your love. I suggest talking about all the good things about your relationship. Make him see how great it is and how much fun you two have. Don't try to make a point, He has to see it like you see it. He also has to want it like you want it. Believe me, if you ever get that with him or any man, you will be off to a great start.
I hope this helps
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (8 March 2013):
 I feel bad for your boyfriend, it must be really difficult trying to retain the title of the world's biggest loser. Especially with all the competition and everything but he still seems to be going strong!
What are you still doing with this guy OP? Just fucking kick him to the curb and ask him to get lost. How dare he humiliate you like this? Who the hell does he think you are? Just someone to have fun with and then toss away when he's done? Throw him out of your life and just never look back. He's so not worth it.
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