A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I am feeling devastated. My bf of two years all of a sudden yesterday went into this massive low and then revealed he thinks he doesn't make me happy (which couldn't be further from the truth), and that he has from time to time worried about things not working out between us in the future because of our age difference and also because sometimes they just don't work out.It hit me so hard and I had no idea he was feeling like this. After two years and living together since the start of this year I was totally committed to him with the mindset of us never breaking up - and if there were problem/s in the future I was expectant we'd work them out and stay together. Now he seems to have this worry that things just might not work out. It is all a mystery to me as I don't think I could have acted any more committed.He also said he thinks that maybe we don't do enough in the bedroom. This I agreed with. We used to all the time but when we moved in with each other all deep intimacy just instantly faded away (as a result of his disinterest not mine). I asked him a few questions and it seems he just doesn't feel like it very often. I asked him why he never just even kisses me intimately anymore and he said because if he did I might expect it to lead to something else. This was hard to take. I now feel like he has been making conscious decisions on how to avoid having sex with me. I asked him why he doesn't want it very often any more but all I got was "I don't know." This added to things more as he now thinks this a big problem, as I admitted I get frustrated at times.I know he has no interest in us breaking up. We are very much in love and faithful.What does one do after something like this? I feel shattered. I couldn't eat my dinner last night, I hardly slept, and I feel sick in the stomach. He finds it difficult talking about big issues which makes it all the worse. This morning he had to get to work but seemed to attempt to act like normal. How can I just act like normal after all that? I just don't know how to pull myself back together.Any advice will be so greatly appreciated.
View related questions:
moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Jovial
He didn't really bring up the issues. I could tell there was something on his mind and had to dredge it out of him. I do agree it is a good thing he has told me so we can work out the problems.
Thank you anonymous female
I too sort of think there must be more to this then he has told me. I know the failures of his past relationships sometimes makes him doubtful, but whether that is it or not I don't know.
I sort of don't know what to do.
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (7 November 2006):
 I am sorry for giving two similar responds, whe I sent the first one i lost connection and thought it didnt go thru as it wasnt there even in the afternoon so i decided to write again i hope i didnt confuse u.
...............................
A
female
reader, Jovial +, writes (6 November 2006):
Hi there,
u must be grateful to have a bf who can openly communicate things like this with u, now everything is out in the open what u need to do is resolve this issues b4 they grow into problems. I think the reason he brought this up is bcos he can see that if u keep being unhappy one day u will have to part ways so that u can find someone who can make u happy, that’s why he is afraid things might not work out between the two of u. I would like to belive he had the same fantasy as u of having an unbreakable relationship until recently he realsed its time to face reality and all u can do now is to meet him halfway. there is no perfect relationship people say they are happy bcos they are able to work things out, it seems u guys had it smooth 4 two yrs until now and i must tell u it is unbelievable that u can ignore things and chose to stay unhappy but anyway this is the reality now try to deal with this calmly and rationally, there is no need for u to stop eating and sleeping bcos u are afraid his worst fear might turn out to be true i mean u agree with all these things that he had brought up only u were too afraid to face them cos u thot u were gonna break up, issues dont break a relationship the way u handle them is the one that breaks it. issues that are faced with constructively build a relationship but the ones u ignore breaks a relationship. i dont see why u are so afraid bcos u said u love each other and are faithful to each other if all this is true take this as a phase that will strengthen ur relationship. so aproach this maturely and everything gonna be alright. good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2006): i have to say, i really think somethings up with him that might not even have anything to do with you necessarily. it seems like he's either having doubts and trying to get you to break up with him, or he's just very confused or scared about things right now. you just have to be honest with him how you feel about this sudden confession--let him know how suprised you were to hear all of this, and obviously re-assure him he's been great to you. if nothing works, he may need some sort of therapy, it sounds like he's very confused and down about something and cant shake it. either way, show him you can be there for him, and hopefully he'll realize how much he means to you. good luck i hope it all goes well!
...............................
A
female
reader, Jovial +, writes (6 November 2006):
Hi there,
I think u should be greatful that ur bf has brought up issues that u were aware of even though u were just brushing them off bcos u had a fantasy of having an unbreakable relationship, maybe he had the same fantasy as well thats why for 2yrs he kept quite, but at some point he realised its time to face reality. I think he can see that if u keep being unhappy one day u will have to part ways so that u can find someone who can make u happy, that’s why he is afraid things might not work out between the two of u. the good thing is unlike u he wants to he wants to resolve this.
u need to find a way to deal with this constructively, having issues in a relationship doesnt mean u are gonna break it off, but if u dont resolve them early they will grow into a problem that will be too much to resolve leading to a break-up. in life there is no perfect relationship all of us go through phases and if u love each other and faithful as u say i belive ur relationship will come out unharmed.
Issues can either break or make ur relationship stronger, so stop being ignorant and face reality.
Eat and rest as u will need all the energy when resolving this issues not bcos they are too much to resolve, but bcos u need u to be rational and patient. good luck
...............................
|
