A
female
age
36-40,
*ngelmel
writes:I hardly see my boyfriend anymore because we work different schedules now. He works mornings/afternoons, and I work evenings (both work at different companies). I am trying to get a different job that will allow me to work morning hours. That way, we can see more of each other.And also, he never texts me, or asks me to come over to his place to hang out when he has his days off, and when we both aren't working. I sent him an email saying if he still wants to be with me or not, because I am really not sure what he wants. Should I just dump him or talk to him more about this issue? I do plan to see him again Sunday when he gets off work so I can talk to him more. I'm just looking for polite advice on this problem.
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2011): Thanks you gals for the advice.Well, I see him at his work almost everyday and we talk for a while before I decide to leave so he can continue working, and so he won't get in trouble for me being there so long. I also tend to see him on his breaks from work too, when he smokes or eats outside on the benches, and we talk some more. But I do plan to be straight forward with him tomorrow when I see him, and I will ask him what the hell he wants....if he wants to stay with me or not. Guys can be so damn confusing and clueless.--angelmel
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 September 2011):
 Sounds to me like YOU're pulling all the weight in this "relationship".... and your description is of a woman who exhibits that desperation that is so "off-putting"...Why don't you just reign in your feelings and leave the guy alone for a while? IF he chooses to contact you, after some time, THEN you have the opportunity to deal with him on a level playing field.... and possibly could have a relationship.....Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 September 2011):
 @Spanner 28 : I get what you mean, but the OP's case sounds different. Your cousin's BF WOULD come home more often, and WOULD spend more time with your cousin , if he only could but he can't.
The OP's bf apparently has days off and COULD call her or ask her over in his free time , but he does not.
Now , this may just mean he's dead tired ,... or it may mean something else . So I say that before changing job to be with him, she'd better make sure that this is what he wants too.
...............................
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (24 September 2011):
 what does he do on his days off? if he wanted to see you he would ask you, the fact that he doesn't ask obviously says he does not want to see you (for some reason) talk to him, do not just make your decision based on his verbal answers though, wait and see how he behaves. if he says 'don't worry of course i still want to be with you' but then nothing changes and you still don't see him, then i think you should break up as this does not sound like a worthwhile relationship, just more a case of two people being able to say they have got a partner
x
...............................
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (24 September 2011):
 Hi,
I personally don't know your relationship with your boyfriend, so I can't tell you exactly what's going on, how serious he's, what's in his mind?
But, I can tell you one thing though. When you are in a relationship with someone you truly love, you make sure that any free time you have to spend with that person. That's includes, making tome, seeing as much as possible, calling, and texting all the time. In your case, since you both work in different shifts, you don't have as much as opportunity as couple that works regular hours, but that's not an excuse. Millions of couples work many hours, different shifts, but when they do have free time, they make sure they see each other, as much as they can, as often as they can.
You probably don't want to hear this, but I am just being honest, and giving my opinion. I don't think that the work hours is the problem, I think the problem is your boyfriend. I am sure he have feelings for you, but surely don't see any effort in his part.
Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 September 2011):
 I'm sorry to say, but realistically speaking this isn't good. Here you are, on the one side, dedicated to the relationship and to him, you are searching for a new job with different hours so that he can keep his job and you can still meet up. In other words as it so often goes in unbalanced relationships, one part is shifting around and making accommodations for the other, maybe even go so far as to change their job, their living location, etc. for the other person. While the other person in an unbalanced relationship sits back, does nothing, appreciates nothing, wants nothing to do with you.
If your boyfriend cared for you the way you care for him he'd be out there looking for solutions to how you can meet more often as well. Instead, he never texts, doesn't invite you over, and doesn't work on any solution to meet you more often. It is time to take of the rose tinted glasses and see it for what it is. You care for him, he cares not so much for you, and is happy without you.
People don't change, so don't think he'll be more excited about you in his life if you just give him time. When you break it off, because I think you should with regards to how much respect he has shown you and how little interest he's paid you, then explain to him why you end it. So then at least if he wants to find a girlfriend later on he'll know it's not acceptable to let girlfriends walk on water and bread while he doesn't lift a finger... A relationship is work and you must put in an effort. He needs to understand that. But, end it with him, because he will not understand this or make more time for you as long as you are with him. Because if you stay with him, with him having been this way towards you, you are only saying "I don't like the way you treat me, but it is good enough for me so I stay with you", and he'll not change at all. Let him go and you make a statement. If he truly wants you he will WORK to keep you, just like you're working for the relationship right now.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (24 September 2011):
I suppose you never see each other during work days due to conflicting schedules. But if he does not want to see you during days off... when is it that you actually meet up ?... and how long has this been going on ?... I am asking this because some men can't ever face a straight break up so they'll just inch away from the relationship hoping that you'll eventually get the hint.
In any case, yes, an honest talk is in order. If you want to change job anyway, Ok- but if the only or main reason why you are looking for another job is to spend time with him, you'll have to know exactly what's the situation before putting your effort and energy in a superfluous job search.
...............................
|
