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anonymous
writes: Does my boyfriend love me?I have been with my boyfriend for a year... I am 17 and he is 31. He was in a relationship for 4 years and owned a house with his ex, whom he finished with to be with me... He's always really nice to me, giving me compliments and tells me he loves me but then I always find out that he has been speaking to his ex and meeting with her. he says it's to discuss the mortgage and other financial issues to do with the house they owned and she occasionally texts him with their own little private jokes or general conversation, but I get really jealous. He says I have got nothing to worry about and I should stop being stupid and immature and I should trust him but I dont think I do... Sometimes he doesn't answer the telephone to me then hours later he will call me back saying something like he was asleep or didn't hear his phone. or he'll be snappy saying that he's busy.Should I trust him or end the relationship now before I could really get hurt?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2007): i really think that if YOU are the one in his life then he should put YOU first over the ex, after all she is the ex, what more does he want in her?
Again, kids mortage ok, other than that, if he wants HER because he is missing something from you that he finds in her, then he will continue to "be" with the ex.
I just think guys should drop the ex in consideration and RESPECT for the CURRENT-YOU love of the life.
If he is too missy like over the ex and HAS TO be with her, he really is still in love with her and cannot move on without her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006): I agree more with Rebecca and disagree quite strongly with the anonymous person (who posted the two messages) - clearly the question askers situation and yours are very different situations.
Your boyfriend does have a right to stay friends with his ex. I am very good friends with an ex of mine (we broke up more than 3 years ago) and if any one I choose to date has a problem with this, I would end it.
BUT, with that said, his commitment is with you, and you should feel like you come first. Perhaps his strong friendship may have to lessen now that he is with you?
You have though said that he is overwise very good to you, so I have a feeling you two can sort through this, just let him know how you feel, and what you want of him. At 31 he should be more than capable of being mature and experienced about this. Hopefully he'll take it all on board, change accordingly and you'll feel like a stronger couple, good luck! :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006): I think you should get friendly again with one of your ex's. Don't ask him how he would feel if you had an ex you were friendly with, just do it! If he complains, then make a deal to stop with your ex if he stops with his. You need a little leverage.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006): End it with him now. Trust me on this one, I have been on a roller coaster with a guy for 2 years over something like this. We moved in together and then he started talking to and hanging out with his ex even more and more -she moved out of town and he has snuck to go see her - he'd come back and tell me how miserable a time he had with her and I kept thinking that he learned his lesson, rather be with me and we could put it behind us, but he'd just do it again. He's been running back and forth between her and me for 2 years now and it put me through HELL!!! I don't have any other regrets in life except that I gave this guy even a minute of my precious time and energy. I have vowed that I will never ever ever again date a guy who is still keeping in contact with his ex. Unless they have children or mutual friends, there is no reason for it, they don't need to be friendly or talking or especially making cute little inside jokes. You are young and this is the best time of your life - don't waste it on some guy who gives his ex any (even a millisecond) of his attention. Go out and find some hottie who is young and vibrant like you. Learn from my mistake, don't trust that he will never go back to his ex - guys are notorious for relapsing back into old relationships - its sucks, but they have pea-size brains and don't know any better. You shouldn't have to waste your time worrying about it - you should be out there having fun! Good luck.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (8 February 2005):
 I think you need to know where you stand with this guy and you need to repeat to him your concerns. If he cares about you, he will attempt to make you feel more secure. You can inform him that you are not being immature, just worried. You sound mature to me and women twice your age would have the same concerns as you. If he didn't want to be with someone 'immature', then why is he with someone so young?I wouldn't like to say whether you can trust him or not. He treats you well, which is certainly good but he does appear to have rather a lot of contact with his ex. Perhaps you could suggest to him that he only contacts his ex to discuss important issues but that he does of course remain friends with her. Say to him how he would feel if you had an ex who was in regular contact with you, would he cope with it better?As he is a lot older than you, it could well be that you will have to deal with him having only friendly contact with his ex but he does need to reassure you that you are the only one for him.Good luck.
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