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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend is 5 years younger and we both love each other very much. Problem is that he somehow thinks I'm ready to get married and now wants to break up because he wants me to find someone to marry. He says he still loves me, but we just can't be together. I have never talked about marriage and have never pressurised him, and really don't know where all this is coming from. In the space of 3 days, he said it's over, then came back to me on Valentine's day, and 2 days later says it's over again. He said he came back because he didn't want to hurt me and now he's not being true to himself.I have no idea what to do. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2006): I totally concur with 'Shania' on this one, dear. He wants to move on. He's unable to be truthful with you because he's afraid of your painful reaction. It sounds to me, he's made the choice to move forward without you and is using this 'rationale' to get out of a sticky situation. As I have stated many times, when a man is truely and without a doubt, loves and cherishes a woman, he'll do anything for her. He's not in love, dear. I've been in your position a few times and I learned quickly to use my head instead of running purely on emotions. It's a painful growing experience and listening to one’s heart is important, but your brain must be fully involved too. He can't be honest with you..you need to leave, grieve and go forward. I am sorry. Take care and my heart goes out to you.
Hugs, Irish
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (16 February 2006):
 He sounds really confused and thinks he can't offer you what you want. 5 years is not a big age gap and he needs to be reassured that you want what he wants and most of all, for you both to be happy. You have to talk to him, tell him how you're feeling and that, even there is a disagreement between you two, you are willing to compromise if it makes you both happy.
I can see he's a nice person, he only wnats you to be happy and doesn't think he can at the moment at the place he is in his life. But he can't carry on messing you around like this. Reassure him, tell him he makes you happy and tell him to stop running off all the time!!! It's not helping, is it?!
We all want different things in life and all at different times but when we're in love, we compromise so everyone is happy and that makes the relationship stronger and more fulfilling. Good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2006): I'm the girl who submitted the question.I've told him time and again that i'm not looking for marriage. Although I am in my late 20's, I am not at all ready for marriage. He knows this. I feel utterly worthless at this point in time because I love him. He insists that he still loves me but that we can't be together. It's not as if we have major problems, cos we don't.We even spent Valentines night together!
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female
reader, kellyO +, writes (16 February 2006):
 Dearie, my own advise is that u should give this guy some space to clear up his act and figure out what he indeed wants from you and the relationship. He obviously doesnt see the relationship with u leading somewhere soon and he feels u wont be patient to wait for him. It could also be perhaps he doesnt feel he is capable of giving you want he thinks u need from the relationship since you mentioned here that you two just cant be together.
First u should consider talking to him and letting him know wht u indeed expect from the relationship and from him.
If he still insists he wants out then perhaps it will be better to move on with your life.
Take care now and i hope i have been able to help a little. All the best.
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (16 February 2006):
 If you didnt mention about marriage to him then it sounds like he is making an excuse up to finishing with you.Why he cant just say thats its over and feels that you and him should go your own sweet way...would be far more truthful instead of saying that you want marriage...when you havent implied it.I think your relationship has ran its course....even though you want to continue it because you love him...obviously his feelings have changed.
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female
reader, Bela +, writes (16 February 2006):
Hi, you have got to show him that he is the one and you don't want anyone but him.You need to show him that you don't want to get married and you want to get married when your both right and ready and still in loveBelaxxx
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