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female
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anonymous
writes: Hey so I was wondering, what do I do about my friends boyfriends starting to like me? This has happened about 3 times (and NO I'm not a slut. I do not act nor dress like one. I'm quite conservative actually) but I do end up helping my friends with their relationships a lot because they ask me. I feel bad not helping, but the guys always start saying they see me differently. Help please! And there is no way to avoid them. Should I act rudely or cold so that they dislike me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (16 February 2006):
 are you helping your friends by getting close to thier boyfriends to relay info back to your friend? i ask as like anon says i dont understand why helping your friend would make thier boyfriends like you...
also are you giving them space to establish a relationship or do you all just hang out in a threesome?
give your friend space and time with her boyfriends, it maybe that her insecurities make you more appealing at times if you are always there with them acting more witty , confident and mature?
aloof and cold just isnt nice and could end up driving them away from her for a differant reason....i have left many men at the start of a relationship due thier nasty friends!
just dont involve yourself as much its obviuosly not helping :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2006): Acting rude doesn't help anyone.
I think that maybe you need to take a step back and don;t get so involved in their lives.
I know you want to help and obviously you are a generous person if you do give assistance where assistance is needed, which is great but maybe you need to be less involved.
How are you helping them? Are you hanging out with them or just giving advice to your friends in private? I don't understand why helping them makes the guys see you differently? Obviously the help is not happening behind the scenes where they don't know its happening.
Maybe try and give your couple friends plenty of alone time and help your friends out with advice or girls activities that don't involve the boys as much so you don't spend so much time with them.
Be nice but not too nice - keep your distance and be friendly but not too chummy. At the end of the day they are your friends boyfriends, not your mates. Think of them as a friend of a friend - you act nice and be friendly but just keep a little distance.
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