A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have an online dating question: I have been dating a man now for 6 months that we met on a online dating service. We have got along very well from the very beginning. After two months of dating twice a week and talking on the phone every day and email every day we moved into a physical relationship. And everything is really good. After a few weeks of dating I took my profiles off the online dating sites. He had told me that he was doing the same. And if any of you have used any of those sites you know how much they contune to email stuff to you. Well one day I had wondered if I really was off the site and got on to look and email them about not wanting any more stuff from them right at this point. I saw my BF is still on the sites and somewhat active. I was surprised and very hurt! So for the last 3 months I have said nothing to him and just looked from time to time to find myself now very angry. I think our relationship is strong but maybe not. How do I ask him about this? Without sounding like I was checking on him or jealous I thought we were happy together and only dating each other. Not sure what I missed. I know we need to talk but how do I do that and what should I should not say?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2007): I have met some very nice and incredibly confident men who know what it is they are looking for and for whatever the reason we just haven't clicked yet but I have been on other sites and millionairematch.com has classy men and women who are considerate and respectful towards each other. So I suppost you two should site down and talk.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): You can normally view the last time he visited the site (within three days/within 24 hours etc). If you can find out that information, that would be better. Because I'm a devious little minx, I would set up a fake account and send him a flirty email to see what he replies. Having said that, sometimes you have to pay quite alot of money to set up an account. I agree with hlskitten's answer - you have been with him for 6 months and yet still feel uncomfortable asking him what on earth he is playing at? I think that speaks for itself - by this stage in your relationship, you should be confident enough to ask for some explanations. Perhaps you are not asking because you're afraid of the answer? If he is actively still looking for 'someone better', he is not just going to confess all to you. Don't put rose tinted glasses on for him - he is someone you met on a dating web site and don't know too well - you need to look after yourself and toughen up. If you are scared to confront him after 6 months, in which time you have been heavily involved and in a physical relationship, then you might be the sort of person who is not overly confident and therefore be more susceptible to believing any lies he tells you. Remember, he told you he was taking his details off the website and he hasn't. You said he is 'somewhat active' which I presume means that he has logged on and 'visited' the site recently. That means that when he said he'd take his details off, he lied to you. You really need to ask him about this as soon as you can, because if he is still active on these websites, that means he is looking to see if something better comes along. Perhaps now is a good time to ask him how he feels about you. Best of luck XX
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (13 September 2007):
 Six months is pretty soon into a relationship to be worried about this. Most men keep their options open until they've actually told a woman they love her. Then most will consider themselves to be 'off the market'. What you could do is simply tell him you reviewed your own profile because you wanted to alert the dating site that you were "inactive" and noticed he was still showing up as a "match" for you, which made you realize he was still listed as 'active'. Then see how he handles the question. You may simply ask him if you should keep your profile active also, since it seems like perhaps the two of you aren't "exclusive" to each other and see what he says. Maybe if he thinks you'll continue to be "active" the tables will be strangely turned on him and he'll get the point. I wouldn't make any strong demands though, because it really is too soon for that in a 6-month relationship, but you could always keep your eye on it and perhaps when he feels stronger about you, he'll remove it on his own without prompting. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (13 September 2007):
 Hi
The guy is keeping his options open hunni!
Thats if he is actually still using it. I think im actually still registered on some dating sites, girlsdateforfree etc but i cant tell you the last time i was on there! A long time ago.
I met a guy on one of them yrs ago, yahoo personals, after 5 weeks i got one of those emails they send you, even after you have left about your matches. He was on it, i clicked on it and he had been on there within 3 days. I asked him about it (i wont take no messin, if something bothers me i will say it) and he denied being on there. Said someone must of logged in. Needless to say he was history. That was more the fact he lied about it though. Not saying i would of stuck with him if he had come out n said i was keeping my options open caz! But the lying is something that sets alarm bells ringing and i cant be ars** with it after that.
If i was in your shoes i would of asked him at the time, never too late though. Especially after 3 months! You have the patience and maturity of a saint!
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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