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female
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*ooh
writes: Hello, My boyfriend and I have a great relationship. The only set back is that he is married (but separated). A divorce has been in the works for months. I want to leave him alone until the divorce is over. I feel that he still sneaks to see his wife and by prolonging the divorce, he can have the best of both worlds. I have let him know how I feel to the point where I'm exhausted. Can you offer some advice on what I should do? Thanksp.s. They have a young daughter together.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2006): Been there done that. Save yourself from heartache. Move on and find someone who is going to be with you and only you. Don't put yourself second, dont settle for less there's to many single good men that you make you happy.
A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (6 November 2005):
if you think he's sneaking off to see his wife then you know from the start that you can't trust him. stay away until his divorce is finalised. then, if he still wants to be with you, let him earn your trust before resuming a relationship
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (5 November 2005):
 I suggest you run to the store and look at the doormats. It might ring a bell.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2005): If your going to be with this man you have to learn to trust him. If he's given you a reason to think otherwise then it's no point in continuing the relationship. It's up to him to cheat or not. If he saids that he's not cheating on you then go with that until you see something different.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2005): Yes! Leave him alone-as hard as that will be. If he is prolonging the divorce and still seeing his wife, then he other serious 'matters' to attend to before he can totally commit to any type of relationship with you. Until he is totally 'over and done' with the ex, he will continue hurting you by pulling back from the relationship you share, now. How fair is that to yourself, when you stand with arms open letting him come and go in your life, not asking for much, taking the crumbs and hoping for his attentions, his love and some undefined future… He wants love with you but can't make any committment. Right now, he is not a safe bet. Relationships require many things but the foundation of commitment is crucial. You don’t place your hearts in the care of someone who can’t promise he'll be there in the future. This is way too risky for you, hun. He's likely dealing with his own pain and hurt from this impending divorce-allow him that time. There may come a time when he will stop nursing his wounds and risk everything again. Take care of you...don't wait around pining for him-get out and get on with your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2005): Sounds like you need to think about weather this realtionship is really for you if you are questioning his trust prior to his divorce. Great that you have let him know how you feel but try not to exaust yourself. Consider that his daughter is still involved in his life and will be (hopefully) for years and years to come. Let him know that its ok for him to visit his daughter but you would like to know where he is, if you place this trust in him now - you may reap the rewards later. Think about the fact that he may feel that he has to 'sneak' there because he does not want to upset your feelings.
If he is letting you know that he wants you to leave him alone untill the divorce is in place - fine - if not then some people are not great at asking for a divorce and it can be a really emotional ride, let him know that you are ther for him and will support him if he needs it. Remember to invest some of your time in YOU aside from your relationship.
Good Luck !
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