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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend of just over a year (he's 24, im 20) told me the other night that in a few months he will be going on a working holiday overseas and won't return for 2-4 years. I vaguely knew he had this plan at the start of our relationship, but I assumed that it would change because of me so avoided the subject, while he thought i understood that he would be going the whole time. Obviously I was devastated when he told me - he is an amazing boyfriend, and everything had been great. I accused him of being selfish, and told him that i loved him for the first time, and that i didn't want him to go. He said that it's something he "has to do", but he was crying and he agreed that he would have a good think about it. A couple of days later he called and told me that I mean a lot to him, and i'm very special to him, and he was still planning to leave, but there's a possibility he may come back if he finds it too much without me. He wants to be with me still, and understands how hard it is for me. I saw him last night, and he seems to be going out of his way to treat me especially nicely...we briefly talked about his leaving again, and i asked him if there was a chance he could change his mind in the time before he goes, or if he was even likely to come back, but he doesn't know and that nothing can change at this stage. I'm so confused. I love him so much, and don't want to risk leaving him, because he could always change his mind, but at the same time wonder if i'm stupid and wasting my time waiting for him to decide. What do you think? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2006): There is a saying if you love something let it go if it comes back it was meant to be if it does'nt than it was never yours.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2006): I think if you really love him then you should go with him if you can but if you dont love him that much then stay where your at you will find someone else and its possibile he will find some one else where he's going also he dont need to leave you if he really love you its hard to find a good person these days so hold on to him as much as you can just some good advice sister.
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A
female
reader, wishes +, writes (23 February 2006):
 At the risk of sounding like a cliche, if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you it was meant to be. As hard as that may be, in this situation I really think you have to let him decide as he may regret changing his mind in the long run otherwise. Best wishes and Good luck! xoxo
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A
female
reader, Parisi +, writes (23 February 2006):
It seems as though you are placing the negative feelings you are having about the situation on him, because to accuse him of being selfish is actually laughable. The fact that he pre-warned you of the situation was honourable and to think that you could change his mind was selfish; To shower him with guilt to make him stay was selfish; and not to stand by him and his dreams is also selfish - I think you get the gist. Although not the best way to deal with the situation it is the most normal and most people would probably react the same way but you have to now start to think about HIM and not you, after all that is what true love is all about. The working holiday is obviously somthing that he has thought about for a long time and life is all about living! It sounds like a fantastic life experience one that he should be free to experience at 24. The only restraint a relationship should have is no cheating everything around that is negotiable. You have to comprise in all relations to make them work.If he goes and it doesn't work out for you two then it just wasn't meant to be. Destiny is an amazing thing though and believe me you will land on your feet and will be better off for it. However that is the dyer end of things because what you should actually be thinking of is how this could be a great experience for you too. You could visit him throughout the year and enjoy living and experiencing the true culture of a country rather than a tourist view (not to mention all of the perks of having a free place to stay). You never know you might love it and it may give you a new zest to life and you may even end up staying and working too. Allowing him to persue this working holiday could pull you closer together either way, because if you stand by him and support him he'll love you even more for it and if you share priceless moments with him abroad when he is missing his family and friends and longing for love you will be there to help him through it. However if you contiune with the guilt trip and he decides to stay you never know he may restent you for it in the future and you will be signing the death certificate to the relationship your so desperately trying to keep alive.I understand that it is painful, that you will probably miss him so much that it hurts and there will be a huge fear of you losing him. But as I said life is about living and you can never fully enjoy it in fear.I hope it all works out for you in the end, Im sure it will.Good luck
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