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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Me and my bf have always been rough in bed. I do anal and gag and stuff and we both like it. But these past few months it has got a little weird. He hurts me. He shoves his member down my throat and it is agonising. When i climax he covers my mouth or pushed my head into the pillow. He spanks my ass, my boobs and my face till they are red raw. The other week he tied me up and had sex with me. I just lay there couldnt move. And finally he wants rim jobs and things with his anus done.What is wrong with my bf?This is not him. How do i get him back?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (20 June 2011):
Hi. I believe you have done the right thing. It was actually physical abuse.
Don't let that happen with anyone else ever again. At the very least, you know what to look out for if anyone acts like this or starts to act like this, with you in future.
Put it down to experience. You do deserve better.
Best wishes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have dumped my bf. it got to a point where he freaked me out so much i could have no more.
sick freak.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 if you are not enjoying the rough play you need to stop it. IF he refuses to stop it or even hear your concerns, then he's not caring enough about you to warrant making the relationship work.
IF you enjoy it, but sometimes it gets out of hand you need to come up with a code word that BF will respect and know that the rough play must stop INSTANTLY...
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): My boyfriend is the same, he likes to be in control and likes to hurt me during sex. I used to go along with everything he did, probably because I was scared of him. He's really nice the rest of the time and I trust him, but during sex he just becomes another person. Last week he was worse than ever and for the first time, I just told him that he was hurting me too much. He immediately backed off, and I realised that he understands I also have a right to enjoy myself. He thought that I was enjoying it because I never said anything, so I only really had myself to blame. Try telling him next time that he's hurting you and you don't like it.Most men like knowing that what they're doing is turning the woman on, so he might be more mindful of his behaviour in the future.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): It might be that the initial excitement of being rough has worn off and now he needs more extreme, violent acts to get himself aroused. Or you might find you are becoming hardened to the things you first subjected yourself to. So it isn't as uncomfortable for you as it once was. If he gets off on watching you suffer and you don't seem in as much pain as you once were. He might be doing more extreme things in order to humiliate and see you in fresh pain.He could be watching nasty porn and getting ideas from sites and that's where the 'new moves' are coming from. But the point is, why aren't you saying something to him? If you put up with it and play along, he can be forgiven for thinking it is ok and you are enjoying it too. You really have to talk to him and tell him where you draw the line before you end up really getting hurt. Because it sounds to me as if love making is a thing of the past and you are a victim of sexual assault now. He is forcing himself down your throat and the pain is agony? That pain is there to warn you. It is a safeguard. It is there to try and make you stop whatever it is you are doing to yourself. If you let him carry on, he is going to end up causing you a serious injury. You have to talk to him.
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female
reader, KeighleySky  +, writes (28 May 2011):
 You ask why he's got like this. A man (like a child) will push your boundaries, in order to see how much he can get away with. It is up to you to tell him when you don't like things. Not telling him the first time he did this was your downfall, he now thinks that because you didnt say anything that its perfectly fine with you.Tell him now that you dont like it, do not let this go n any longer. Smacking your face until its red can cause bruising in your face. Tell him to stop before you enter the bedroom again.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): There is a fine line between rough sex and abuse. The problem is, it does not sound like you have discussed where that line is with your partner. If you engage in this kind of sex, you need to specify in great detail what behaviour you like and don't like, and what is acceptable and unacceptable. For example, you say you do anal and gagging and imply that those are ok, but that if he shoves his dick all the way down your throat it hurts. But gagging is ok. How is your partner supposed to know what is ok and what is not unless you spell it out clearly. That doesn't mean saying "no" and then carrying on as if nothing happened, or looking or sounding disapproving, it means actually having a conversation about what is not ok for you. You have to spell out what he cannot do, particularly the things he has already done that you don't like. If you have already had this kind of conversation and he is ignoring it, he is abusing you and you are tolerating it, meaning that he is likely to continue to do it until something changes. Most important is that you express yourself and say what you want to your partner. If you can't do that you can't have a successful relationship.
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female
reader, Smileypants +, writes (28 May 2011):
 You two need to come up with a certain unique word or gesture that means STOP. He either coperates with that, and respects the "code" when it's given, or you drop him like a hot potato and (hopefully) never see him again. Seriously. Because if he still did that stuff *after* you've made it clear it's too much, then he's just psycho.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): Wow! U need to talk to him. And talk to him calm and with respect and tell him how u feel! And if he doesent say sorry and change everything then u need to leave him!!! And find someone else!take care and becarful!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011):
It seems like he is a dom. A dominate in an S&M relationship. Except with those - there is no REAL abuse. Both parties need to agree to the boundaries ahead of time.
You need to tell him that you like rough, fun sex, but not abuse, and then explain what you consider "too much". Slapping you in the face?
He obviously knows you are comfortable with the rough sex in general and now he's pushing the line further than you'd like . So tell him. Not in bed - but shortly after - so you can give a clear example.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (28 May 2011):
Hi there. Maybe he has lived with some kind of violence in his family home. It's hard to say.
Perhaps he is just amusing himself.
In any case, if you don't like the way things are going with him in the bedroom, for goodness sake, say something!
Don't just put up with it. Take a stand on it, once and for all.
It might be a good idea to bring up the subject with him, outside of the bedroom when you are alone. When you do, don't get angry or upset, but just let him know that you don't enjoy it and that it doesn't feel right to you.
In talking to him about it, ask him if anything has changed in his life lately, that he has got a bit more strange in his bedroom antics. The main thing here, is honesty.
Be kind and respectful when you do talk about it, and don't make it sound like you are being critical of him either.
He really does need to know when you don't like something, and if you don't say something about it - sooner rather than later - it could well drive a wedge between you and even end the relationship.
If outside of the bedroom, you do have a good relationship with him, and he treats you well and with respect and dignity, well then it could be something that could be fixed.
If on the other hand, he mistreats you, disrespects you, takes you for granted, swears at you, hits you or physically abuses you in some way, well then it might be time to have a serious rethink about your whole relationship generally.
As I don't know this information, I can't make comment on it.
However, these are things you do need to consider very carefully before you make any decision.
The main thing is, you are not happy about it. So let that be your guide.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (28 May 2011):
 this may very well be your boyfriend, you just didn't know it. he may just now be getting more comfortable with you to act out on these sexual fantasies. either that, or he's discovering for the first time how much he enjoys rough sex like this, and it's progressively getting worse and worse. how do you react to these things during sex? do you go along with it to spare his feelings, or are you resistant but he does it anyway? i'm sorry, but smacking someone in the face during sex? i'd grab his dick and yank it off if it were me.
all i know to tell you is to express this to him. let him know that his sexual behavior is alarming you and you don't like it. ask him to quit. if he can't, then i'd honestly get out of the relationship, as that would rather scare me a bit. if he likes it that rough there are people out there who specifically like that kind of thing. they'd be a match made in heaven.
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