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anonymous
writes: My new boyfriend has trouble reaching orgasm with me. He claims that it is because he likes me too much and gets too worried during sex. He says he's focusing too hard or thinking too hard. I've told him gently that all I care about is enjoying the experience with him and being with him. Is there anything I can do to help him with this issue? I want him to be relaxed and maintain his erection and not have to worry about anything. But it keeps happening no matter how much I get him turned on. And then he gets embarrassed and the cycle continues. I don't know what to do. Any advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2006): I am a 32 year old male who has just had this problem. I met the girl in my local and she seemed to thrust herself at me. I do like her back but she has a rough and ready family and my mates have warned me about them. I know she ain't like them but she is setting up home dead close to them and I keep thinking if i get with her properly I'll have to be invloved around them. So when we get down to making love I find it very hard to relax with her. I feel I cant let myself go with her as I cant see us having a long term futre. I do really like her though but when we make love I just keep thinking come come come and it just got worse. Its over now as it snowballed into somthing else as she didnt think she was good enough for me. The mind games came then to much drink. Now she has met somone else who performs no problem. All I can say is take it easy and dont rush things. Dont worry about sex it isnt everything. If you like each other the same way You will enjoy each other in time.
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female
reader, Alison111 +, writes (8 July 2005):
I'd leave the actual sex act alone. Massaging is both erotic for the massager and the partner receiving a massage and relaxing for both. What bliss to be in second heaven with your partner with no performance to be expected. Just total ease and unpressured. It will come back ten fold.Good LuckAlison
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reader, Mr.Sexxxy +, writes (15 May 2005):
I have a similar problem, I have found that teasing the testicles helps me out. Try grabbing his, and test the limits of his pleasure to pain, the stroke it out, and lubricate with saliva of other lubricants. See how he does with that.
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reader, manda +, writes (14 April 2005):
The pressure as soon as you start "getting it on" is that it will lead to full sex and he will let you down. Love making doesn't have to involve full sex, showing your partner your love is possible in all ways. Why not have fun and frolicks and keep things lighthearted? It might make the love more fun. He doesn't find it easy to give himself to you totally yet, some people are more inhibited than others. It will work out fine if the rest of your relationship is cool and you enjoy each other's company.
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A reader, jordan, writes (21 March 2005): I think you need to relate more to your boyfriend.Ask him about his problem, but do not pressure him into answering straight away. There must be something on his mind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2005): I think your boyfriend may be traumatised by a child or teenage experience that he has not told you about and he may feel pressured or embarrassed to tell you this.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (21 February 2005):
 I think the pressure needs to be eased off your boy-friend as much as poss and I know you aren't putting him under pressure;he is basically doing this to himself. He is suffering from worries about his performance and it does become a vicious circle.One way to break it is to say to him that he should concentrate only on you and giving you pleasure. I know that may seem selfish but it will take the pressure off him and allow him to stop worrying about whether he can maintain an erection or have an orgasm. Tell him why you think this could be a good idea and suggest to him that if he does become very aroused naturally then that is fine, do whatever you want from there.He is obviously very concerned about making you happy and all you can do is try to keep the pressure off him by letting him know that it isn't important. As long as you are both intimate in many other ways, you can maintain that closeness.However, I realise how frustrating this must be for both of you. Perhaps he has issues in his past that he needs to deal with. Seeing a therapist may be an idea.Other than that, make him aware of how much you love him and that you are prepared to wait until he is ready and able to make love.I hope this helps.
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