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female
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anonymous
writes: I love my boyfriend so much but the other day he hit me across the face when i was pretending to pull his pants down. It was suposed to be a joke. I ran of crying after that shocked and hurt. He has apologised so much but should i be worried he will do it again ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, rocker  +, writes (13 March 2009):
i know that it is not right for anyone to hit someone. i cant say that this will happen but he could do it again and really hurt you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): This could be completely and utterly wrong, but just a thought, could he have been sexually abused at some point in his life, did you ask his permission before pulling his trousers down? Probably not because it was a joke, but maybe thats why he took it so badly. Or perhaps it was something as simple as being consious of his body.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2006): Sorry, but I've 38 years of bad marital experience behind me (at long lst got out)and I have to day 'Get out Now!'. this is just the start it won't get any better, look for someone that you deserve, not a big bully!! Beat wishes, fishfinger
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female
reader, *plac* +, writes (16 November 2006):
 no honey please don't lose your time with that guy!please..don't ever have a relationship with a man that doesn't respecte you because what he did showed lack of respect!don't keep on being with him,he could be dangerous and abuse you.a man who hits a woman shows lacks of respecte,manners and love!don't do this to yourself,protect yourself..trust me he hit you once,he will do it again!it never happens by accident!respect yourself honey..xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006): Get rid of him now. He hit you once, isn't that enough, why are you still there. Sorry or not he did it and he will do it again!!! Get out fast. I tolerated it for a long time - being a battered wife if not good.
Take care
xx
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male
reader, Dr. Reality Check  +, writes (16 November 2006):
 If a man can hit a woman once, he can do it again.
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male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (16 November 2006):
 I think this was instinctive more than anything. Sort of like when you hurt yourself and say ow without being able to control it. I really do think this was a one off.
Only you can tell the kind of guy he is. Personally, I think any guy that hits a female is a coward and can never be called a man. However, I do not believe this to be the case here. I feel it wasn't intentional at all, although it was triggered by a sudden burst of anger.
I don't think it was intentional, but possibly shows early warning signs.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006): My inclination would be to say yes, abuse only escalates, leave him so he can get help.
BUT
You weirdly make it a point to indicate that you were pulling his pants down as a joke -- that you were goofing around.
Now, in the scenario I imagine when someone says, "My bf hit me across the face," whatever you were doing is really pretty completely irrelevant, unless it involved biting at his delicates and the hit was an accidental side-effect of pushing away your teeth in self-defense. There is no justification for a man hitting a woman in anger. Ever. EVER. Not even if she "deserved" it.
The thing is, the context of your post makes me question whether he hit you in anger.
If he did, you have GOT to recognize this for what it is. It doesn't make him a terrible person. It makes him someone who desperately needs help and who will NEVER be able to get it as long as you are with him. Do some Internet rsch on abusive relationships. There's a cycle. Abuse, apologize profusely, repeat. Abusers are deeply attached to their victims, and in the down (non-abuse) phases of the cycle are attentive, loving, affectionate, and forever promising it will never happen again. But it does. Not b/c they want it to -- most were themselves abused and hate the part of them that does it. But there's an element of their emotional self that they've never learned to channel appropriately, and it will come out in the same way they were taught.
People can be careless and act reflexively, not realize the force of their own actions, etc., and that may not make them abusers. But think carefully to the rest of your relationship before you write this off as nothing more than that. How does he treat you in arguments? Does he yell at you? Does he make you feel small? Is it always your fault? Are the arguments over stupid things? All of these are signs. You might be doing him the greatest favor of his life to help him see that he needs to get help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006):
Hanniseds is right, we need the context.
This may have been an automatic reaction, like to a brumski.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006): Sure he will; you can count on it. Dump this sadist before he knocks you cold or worse.
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female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (16 November 2006):
 Hey there,
I disagree with the advice below, mainly because I think we need more information from you before we can give ANY advice at all. I'm not saying I condone violence, but we need more info.
How long have you been together?
How well do you know him?
Have you been scared/threatened by his actions before?
Did he explain WHY he hit you when you were pretending to pull his pants down? Was it an automatic reaction? Were you behind him or in front of him when you were doing this?
If you can give us this info, maybe we can give you better advice!
xxx
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A
female
reader, honkifuluvnicole +, writes (16 November 2006):
 That is NOT exceptible behavior at all. You need to leave him now no matter how much he says "i love you" and "im sorry". This is going to be an abusive relationship, so you should get out now!!!
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