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female
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anonymous
writes: I've been with my boyfriend early this year, but we have known eachother all our lives.He breaks up with me because he has a moral duty to an ex girlfriend he got pregnant. He now has to marry her. My boyfriend comes from a strict christian family. He says he has to give up on love and that he cant be with me. It's tearing him apart.How can i help him? and is there any chance we'll get back together?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): i just had the same incident. . I so love my boyfriend and did a lot of emotional investment. His ex is pregnant with him and he kept it a secret because he doesn't want to loose me. I gave up on him. There is an innocent child involved & who doesn't want to have a complete- happy family. He most probably thinking of his obligations with the child that more than a child support could give.. for sure, ur bf still loves his ex-gf but is just confused bec. ur there in the picture.. well, if things really doesnt work out, then he'll go back to you. But for now u need to move on and find ur new happiness (=
A
female
reader, melisnjustn05 +, writes (2 October 2006):
I'm sorry but I would not put up with that. There are plenty of men with kids that aren't with the mother and they just pay child support. So if he really loves you then he'll tell his ex that he'll give her money but he doesn't want to be with her. So to me it sounds like he wants to be with her instead of you. Sorry it sounds rough but that sounds to me to be the facts.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (18 September 2006):
 He as financial obligations to the mother but he doesn't have to marry her. In the Bible God commands the man to love his wife like Christ loves the church and commands the woman to respect her husband. If he can't/doesn't love her that much then he can't honor God's commandment. He does have legal responsibility to pay child support for the child until they reach age 18.
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A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (17 September 2006):
 The first advice given to you in my opinion seems utter foolishness to simply tell you to move on, what I need to understand is, is your partner a Christian? If so, then he has already gone against the faith by having sex out of wedlock so I am a bit miffed as to why he has to marry an ex who he got pregnant, all that is doing is covering up the sin he comitted with her in the first place and it makes it hypocritical. My dear, you need to talk with your boyfriend, you need to establish what his beliefs are. Yes, he has a parental and moral obligation to be in his childs life, but as for marrying someone just because they have his child, thats absurd, I mean does he even love this woman? Its wrong to get married just for the sake of ones family saying its a Christian duty. You marry out of love, not duty. Talk with him, and I wish you all the best. xXx
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (16 September 2006):
 Hi Anon,
There's nothing you can really do to help him because this was his decision to get back together with her. Trying to comfort him might make him keep strong feelings for you, and would do quite the opposite of what you're hoping for. I think in this case, since he's made up his mind, you just need to let him go. To do otherwise, in my opinion, would just make it harder on the both of you.
By the way, has he considered paying child support and having his child for certain lengths of time, even if the child is split 50/50 between him and the mother? Because in all honesty, I really don't think it's such a wise decision for him to get together with his ex. I mean they're not a couple anymore for a reason. It would be much more traumatic for his kid to grow up in an unloving household, especially if him and this woman were to be angry at each other and cold toward one another. How would this be good for a child? I just don't see the logic in him marrying this girl. It seems like a big mistake to me. Sorry.
The only chance that you will ever get back together with this man is if he doesn't marry his ex, or else if he gets a divorce in the future. Otherwise, I think his religion is going to win out on this one.
I think the most you can be with this man is friends from now on and that's it. I suggest you find someone else who would love you more than this man obviously does. You deserve better than this and you know it.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2006): Yes, he does have a moral and a financial obligation to his ex, now that she is pregnant with his child. You need to be strong and step aside and allow him to follow through on providing a home and becoming a responsible husband and father. His whole life has changed dramatically and the best thing he can do is learn to 'love the mother of his child'. With you lurking in the back ground this will not happen and that is unfair to all concerned, especially this baby. Face the loss, respect his life and move on.
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A
female
reader, confussed jane +, writes (16 September 2006):
well hun i am so sorry but if he marrying her then i dont think so esp if she pregnant.is his ex actually preg not saying that how fair on is she?
you cant really do anything i dont think hun just let him go i no be hard if you love him so much but it is for the best it seems like you cant ever be 2 gether.
you should say to him you be mates and you be there for him whenever he needs you i no it be hard see him and maybe them 2gether but hun need to face to the facts that you need move on even though ant be easy its for best.
should find someone else hun. good luck xxxx.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2006): oh for the love of god, move on
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