A
female
age
30-35,
*isshotpink28
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for a little over 2 years. I am 17 years old and he is just about to turn 21. We met when I was a freshman and he was a senior so obviously, the age difference didn't really matter to us to the extreme. He has cheated on me a lot, since the beginning. He always was that wild guy always partying, sleeping with girls, doing crazy things. Therefore; my trust with him is very low. We did get back just 3 months ago after a very long break up and I admit I have seen a 360 change in him. We spend every single day together, where we kinda don't do anything else without each other. He just told me that he is depressed. Reason being, because he feels that I control him. That I don't let him go partying which means that he can't hang out with his friends because that's all they do (his friends are all party animals, SINGLE party animals). So he was just saying how unhappy he is now, that his self-esteem is so low and that he just feels like a complete loser. Bottom line, because I don't feel comfortable letting him go out to parties without me. My problem is though that he has cheated on me so much and half the time it was when he was intoxicated and at parties. I just don't want to get hurt again or even risk anything of happening. I just can't trust him like that. I don't know if it's because it's too soon still or if i'll ever be able to. but as of today, I just can't. Do I let him go? he is going to be 21 and I feel as if it will only get worse. or what should I do to be able to feel comfortable with him going to parties with his crazy single friends, without me. Or what can I do to make this situation better? I love him and I'm so scared of loosing him but I just don't want to get hurt... again.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): He's a drinker, who cheats, and who is out of control, and you are being drug into his drama.He will hurt you again.He will until he gets help."how unhappy he is now, that his self-esteem is so low and that he just feels like a complete loser"Which goes away when he drinks, which means he is an alcoholic. Using alcohol to cover up the feelings, and why those feelings exist. He needs serious counseling help.Here is a quiz he can take.http://www.lanarkleedsaa.org/pages/aboutaa/are_you_an_alcoholic.htm"I feel as if it will only get worse."Damn straight, that's exactly what is going to happen.You cannot make it better, only he can, and he can only do that by no longer drinking or drugging. He has to quit completely. He can't be trusted when drugs or alcohol are brought into the mix.
A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (27 June 2011):
End the relationship.He is a shagger and probably always will be and while that is not acceptable in a relationship, it's also not good practice to stop people hanging out with friends.The problem here is that he and his friends have a certain lifestyle and quite rightly you have trust issues over this because of what has happened.As long there is a lack of trust in a relationship, it will fail every time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): Dump this loser. There are many men out there that will treat you with respect and not cheat on you. You NEED to kick his ass to the curb.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 June 2011):
 Its up to you I'm afraid, I know if I had been cheated on so many times he would be long gone by now. Being drunk is no excuse for cheating, he is obviously just a massive flirt and knows he can get away with it.
A relationship is nothing without trust, so I think really the only option here is to call it a day - he is only going to be more and more depressed because he cant party with his mates, and you are never going to trust him. It doesnt sound like it will ever work I'm afraid - he has hurt you too many times.
However if you are still determined to keep flogging this dead horse of a relationship, then maybe give him one chance at proving how he has changed. Let him go out, for one night, with his single friends - and see what happens. If he can prove to you that he has changed and doesnt cheat, well he can go out again and you will see what happens next time too. If he cheats - well you have your answer. It is hard because he might be able to cheat and get away with it without you ever knowing, so it is up to you whether you think you will catch him again.
We cant tell you what to do unfortunately, you have to make your choice - but it sounds like you are both unhappy with the situation and if you cant trust him, the relationship is unlikely to ever work.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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