A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have a BF for 3 years, monogamous relationship. That is what I thought. My Bf has an habit to lie. Lie about small and big things. We are on and off due this because I caught him then he apologized then I forgive then again he lies and so on...The last drop is that I caught him talking romantically with a young girl. I say young because I am 38y and hes is 30y. Well this girl is 23y and lives in other state, they communicate by text and face time calls daily! I am done, I am surely done, I cant understand how come you have a girlfriend but in the other hand you are telling another person I will come to visit you and we will get engaged..Long story short since I discovery this I am done with him , no phone calls, texts, social media etc etc. I am writing here because I cant cope with the fact he said he loves me but look what he did! And it is not the first time..I am feeling so used.I helped him in so many ways because I loved him but seems he was having all this help without respect myself or "our" commitment. This is surely one of the most sad time of my life. All my family lives overseas and I am here alone in this country , all what I do is work and work since this happened because I cant see happiness in this moment and I always ask, why me? I appreciate any advice, thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2016): I agree with others that in this case age is not the factor driving his behavior. It's him not you. If he was with any woman of any age he would eventually be talking to someone else.
Most women hit their peak sexually in their early forties, while men's sexual performance begins to decline around that time. When I was around forty or so I looked and felt younger and younger men pursued me on a regular basis. I went out with them because they were more sexually compatible, less condescending and very appreciative. I don't think men have cornered the market on their ability to date younger women.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2016): Thank a lot for your words. Yes I am seeing this finally. He will always need more and more so I am better of and let him be happy with his conquers...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2016): Not all men who have an older woman court younger women eventually. Some men are perfectly happy and wow-ed by a woman who is their equal. These men are smart enough to realize that youth does not always equal relationship longevity or compatibility.A stereotype could apply to both sexes then, could it not? Men lose their sex drives and ability to perform much sooner than women. So, are you saying that a woman who marries an older guy is going to trade him in for a younger, more virile performer once he starts to dry up? Hmmm. Now, there's a thought. Let's turn the tables, shall we?I am tired of men always thinking that older women are going to be put out to pasture for somebody younger. Women who are older have much more to offer. A whole package in fact. And are often so much more confident in their sexuality and appeal and know exactly what they are doing in the bedroom and know what they want. What man in his right mind would trade that in for an inexperienced novice who probably could not carry on an intellectual conversation on the same level as him if her life depended on it?I say stand tall and be confident in yourself. Your man will eventually realize what he lost. And how stupid he was. That girl is going to disappoint him. If he wants a roll or two in the hay, let him. Once he gets it, he's going to realize she has nothing more going on. And then he will be onto the next. Guys like that are a dime a dozen. One women is not enough. And HE is the one who is NOT good enough for a woman like you. Now, get out there and find yourself a real man. A man who appreciates a woman like YOU. This guy is an immature, insecure loser who is clueless about life and especially himself. He is playing with stones while throwing away a diamond. SAD.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 December 2016):
 In this case I don't think age has a lot to do with it. I had a husband like this. He did these things because his ego needed the stroking. It was NOT about ME. It was not what I could or could not give him. NOTHING I could have done or said would have been enough to make him feel better about himself so he took to having other women stroke his ego. To that end he would promise them things like engagement and say he loved them to keep them on the hook.
He is now my ex husband. NOT because of those lies but because someone that needy gets old quickly.
HIS bad behavior is not a reflection on you. IT's quite possible that the feelings he said he had for you felt real and genuine to him as well as to you and his intent was not to use or hurt you. IN fact, you being local means that you were the primary and the LDR young lady was just the ego stroker.
Again this is not a reflection on you. And for what it's worth, my husband is 13 yrs younger than I am and we were LDR for the first year we were dating.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2016): Thanks for the reply. I am not actually in LTR. We live in the same city about 15 min of each other. I caught him talking to this girl who lives far away in other state and is younger.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (21 December 2016):
This is EXACTLY why Ive stated here multiple times that LTRs where the woman is substantially older than the man dont often work out.
Its just simple math and supply and demand. A man hits his highest market value well after 30. A womans typically declines after 30. Hence, say a man (20) and woman (30) meet and start dating. In ten years time, he'll be 30 and just beginning to enter his prime, and she'll be 40. He can then date a 20 year old, or a female TWENTY years her junior. Who do you think is going to win that one if the guy has anything going for him at all?
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