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anonymous
writes: Hi there. I have recently split up with my ex-partner. But I so want her back. Is there any way you think I can get her back after what I have done to her? I've told her I hate her. She's not fit to be a mother. Assaulted one of her male friends. Called her terrible names. Basically I have been one horrible nasty man to her. She has told me she hates me and wants nothing to do with me anymore. But I've changed. And I so want her back! I love her more than anything in the whole world! Should I just leave her to get on with her life though?Can you help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2005): Hi brother,I'm a guy and I didn't went through that at all but what I'm about to say is what I have see around with my friend who wetn through the same as you and what I would do in such scenario.Firstly you need to apologise to her in the most honest and looking eye to eye connection as possible, if you can't see her because she doesn't wanna see you then the very best thing is to give it time. This was very shocking and horrible to the girl ( as you know ) and time says that heals everything, if you are trying to get her back within the time where the anger is at surface, if you love her you will let her free now and she will think this herself. there is nothing absolutely nothing that you can do, except give her the space and time to think. and you wait.Ofcourse this can be very stressing and horrible on your side but bare in mind what you have done boy, as a guy like you I understand where you coming from and where you want to go and unfortunately there isn't many choices for you to do at this stage, it's everything up to her. you have done your part and it's time to step back and wait.telling her that you love her and miss her etc.. will make things more complicated because this will confuse her even more, you insulted her and friends too so anger and disappointed will always be there, and i can tell you now brother, If you get her back, it will take you a lot of work and a lot but I mean a lot of time to make things similar on how things were before, because you and I know, that things will never be the same.In the worst case, she doesn't love you and want you back, you will have to blame your self for the feelings of right now. and will be time to move on, life continues and this time with experience.Wish you all the very best, Matt 20
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2005): When one is in a relationship with another, they build love, trust and respect. No matter what the problem they encounter as a couple, they sit and communicate in a mature, considerate manner. You went over the line and verbally assualted her. When you did that you became a "liability" to her...someone who flies off the handle. Sorry to say this...but no decent self-respecting woman (with pride) wants to spend time with a hotheaded man. What would happen the next time you got mad at her..and we know in a relationship-disagreements do happen. But it's "how" you handle that disagreement that tells your partner just what you are capable of.. I think you messed up...it's time to move forward and allow her to find someone who will treat her with respect, someone she trusts, someone, she knows will never be a "loose cannon" like you were. Take this and learn from it. I can guarantee...she learned from it and will make better choices of whom she spends her time with, in the future. Remember, only YOU are responsible for your own behaviours. Leave her alone...and I hope you have sought some type of "anger management or counseling for that temper of yours. Good luck in the future
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (23 June 2005):
 I think perhaps first of all you will have to understand why you did and said all those things to her. After all, if she did give you another chance, you wouldn't want to go and do it all again, would you?
It would also help to know what prompted your bad behaviour so that you can explain to her why you were like it. Was it a jealous rage? Did you feel insecure? Why did you tell her that you hated her?
Once you have established why it was you did what you did, you then have to think of ways of preventing it happening again. Can you do that?
The next stage will be to approach her. Either you could call her, but she may hang up. Perhaps you could write to her and explain how you feel. Express how much you love her and that you are sincerely sorry for what you have said and done to her. But you need to explain why as well as to reassure her that it won't happen again.
Then you have to prove to her that it will never happen again, show her that you have changed.
Only if you can undertake all this will it be advisable for you to give it a go. If you feel you will slip at any stage, then indeed, leave her to get on with her own life.
Good luck.
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