A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear all,I hope to receive some advice on this matter. I've been dating a guy, C, for 3 yrs now. He is nice, sweet and loving to me. However, he tends to say insentitive remarks and is fierce with me due to his bad temper. However, despite all his flaws, i still love him and foresee my life with him. With him, I know my future is secure as he wont leave me and he loves me very much. however, character wise, i dont say he is my "type".but last few months, i started chatting online with his buddy. Initially, i turned to his buddy, H, for comfort when things between me and C were not going well. he is very nice to talk to and he is definitely my "type". things started from online chatting to phone, to meet ups to hand holding. in other words, i am as good as dating 2 guys. i need to choose between then before someone gets hurt.my concern is, with C, there is no risk. but with H, i dont know about the future. i know love is a risk i have to take. but i dont want to hurt C becos he loves me very much and he will be devestated.please please advice.A. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): Dear all,
thank you for your advices. i've been losing sleep over this matter. what a mess!
will keep u guys updates on who i choose soon!
xx,
A
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): My thoughts:
'C' has a temper, and if this is a violent temper you would do well to leave him because of it. If he throws things at the wall and shouts rather than hits you, he may be ok. His temper may be in his control. If not, leave him for your own safety. It matters not one jot if he would be devastated if you left him. He caused the problem in the first place with his temper and the answer to that lies solely with him.
Someone is bound to be hurt in all this, but not physically unless 'C' turns violent when you leave him, either towards you or 'H'.
I think you'd do well to take a step back and have a separation period from both of them and see how you feel in a couple of months time. You've got plenty of time ahead of you to sort out what, and who, you want in life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): well to be honest i think you need to think very carefully about who it is you actually want to be with because one way or another someone will probably end up geting hurt or let down. can you see yourself being with one or either of them for the rest of your life. also have you tried talking to your current partner about the way he treats you. Maybe if you voiced your opinions to him and told him how you feel then you could sort your problems out.Good luck anyway xx
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A
male
reader, rproctor  +, writes (29 April 2008):
Hmm... So your cheating on C? Just because your not shagging him does not mean you are not cheating, because you are! In fact, what you are doing, to me, would constitute worse than if you were to sleep with someone because you are becoming emotionally involved. I would say, get out! You obviously are not happy with C, and you would never be able to have a truthful, fulfilling relationship with H... What you do with someone you will do to someone... So, get out, start over, and dont get yourself in these situations.
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