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female
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*el79
writes: My boyfriend and I were together for 5 years and I found out 6 months ago that he was having an affair with a married, older co-worker in his new job. I found out by accident, and it had gone on for a month at this point. He told me he was having problems and was confused about us, but I could never understand this because we had been really happy together and I could not have treated him any better or been more devoted to him and his needs. I have tried again with him, although we did stop living together, but it is always there in my mind, and I can't seem to get over it. It has been the worst year of my life and I have been in so much pain about it. He says it was just a mistake and I have to try and move on. I really have tried, but I don't feel I could marry him, knowing he has put me through the worst experience of my life.I want to break up with him but I have a deep fear that he will just get a new girlfriend and move on easily, whereas I am really sentimental, deeply wounded by all of this and I know I am not ready for another relationship and may not be for some time. I'm 30 and I am scared that in 5 years I will still be unmarried and maybe this was supposed to be my soulmate?? He refuses to go for couples counselling, and thinks I am letting the situation have too much power, but this really has broken my heart. What do I do?
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affair, co-worker, move on, soulmate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, joeymac +, writes (12 September 2006):
and with all due respect to ariel, he has already had ONE chance and he f*cked that up good and proper, u don't have to accept what this man has done to u x
A
female
reader, joeymac +, writes (12 September 2006):
NOOOOOOO!!!! u are not a bad person u sound like a wonderful person, i hate abusive men - "if I had loved him that I would be able to forgive him and stay together"- OMG!! manipulative horrible man. u are wayyy to good for him and he knows it! thats why he won't let u go because he knows he has no chance in hell of finding anyone else as good as u that will put up with his sh*t. don't fall for it be strong, u know u want out of it so please don't be another person who just puts up with it for a quiet life. cut all contact with him he knows how wrong he is, he knows he is a bad person but cannot own up to it infront of u, he is trying to pull u down with him and make out ur as bad as him "well you've broken mine so we're equal". no ur not! u may have broken his heart but unintentionally, all u did was react to his own horrid selfish actions, do not let this man head f*ck u u seem like such a lovely person, ur mr. right would be missing out on all the wonderful qualities u have if u stay with this loser xxxx
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (11 September 2006):
 I'll respond the way I always respond to these types of questions - Once a cheat, always a cheat. He thought he was getting away with something and that you wouldn't find out. Now, that the sh*t has hit the fan, so to speak, he tries to blow it off like it was nothing. You found him out to be a cheat and you deserve better. MOVE ON!
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A
female
reader, kel79 +, writes (11 September 2006):
kel79 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply. I broke up with him a few months ago but he made me feel so bad about throwing our relationship away that I went back and tried again. But it has always been there and I don't think I feel the same anymore. I broke up with him again yesterday and he was really upset and said that if I had loved him that I would be able to forgive him and stay together? I do forgive him but I am just so hurt from it all that I feel that too much damage has been done. He also said he thought I was the one, but that his opinion of me had totally changed now and he was really angry that I have been 'stringing him along' for the past months and that I have just wasted his time. But I really did try and it was really hard to come to this decision. Now I have just been crying and feel terrible on top of everything else. I said for the millionth time that he broke my heart and he just said, well you've broken mine so we're equal.
If you can't get over your partner cheating on you, does that make you the bad guy? because thats how I feel now...
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A
female
reader, joeymac +, writes (9 September 2006):
aww poor u i feel so bad for u. he obviously doesn't care to think about the enormity of pain he's caused u and doesn't seem too serious about saving ur relationship by just refusing ur attempt at fixing things between u. uv already made up ur mind from what uv said - "I want to break up with him but I have a deep fear that he will just get a new girlfriend" - so what?! don't expect they would be having such a great time as he would probably put her through what he has u. go out with friends, or make some more if u don't have many as uv been in a LT relationship. go out and enjoy yourself, try ur best to forget this whole mess and don't put any pressure on yourself to find someone new, they always come along when ur not looking. put yourself in situations where u can meet new people and make friends before deciding u want more. theres no rush at 30. i don't think u could ever trust him and u don't deserve someone so cruel. it will hurt leaving him but it will only be a fraction of what u will go through if u stay with him. u'l get over it faster than u think and thank god u did it. imagine ur self in that place where u don't care about him anymore and feel happy in yourself like u wished u could be for so long. motivate yourself and TELL yourself to be happy, put him right out of ur head and be happy again, i no u can do it if u try xxx
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