A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend who I love donated his sperm 3 years ago. It was one of the first things he told me before we got serious and at the time I was fine with the fact that there were 2 kids with half of his dna. But then when things did get serious, it hit me! There are two beings in this world with his face, features, etc. Now I don't know how to deal. I've been struggling with this for a few months and it bothers me but I just love him too much to leave. We took a week long break and I realized I just can't do without him. I also have pure obsessional, recurring thoughts that bother me. I don't want to think them but they just pop up at the worst time. It happens when we're doing stuff and I think he also donated sperm and I just judged him for his decision making..how do I get over this?
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (7 October 2015):
 You have an obsession over a trivial thing. So he gave up an ounce of sperm to help out a couple that wants a child so what? He did a good thong. Get over yourself.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 October 2015):
 Maybe another way to think about it is that he donated part of himself like a kidney. That his donation has helped another person live a better life.
I think you should consider professional help to deal with what you refer to as "pure obsessional, recurring thoughts that bother me." That these thoughts just pop and you can't control them suggests that you do have some sort of obsessional thought problem. You won't be able to just "snap out of it," as that would have worked already, right? This is a form of retroactive jealousy. I have this link for you to read through which may help you get started on solving your issue. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/retrograde-jealousy.html
So do some research on OCD, talk to your doctor and get a referral for treatment.
Best wishes to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2015): He did a good thing. He may have helped a couple who were desperate to conceive a child but couldn't and he helped make their dream possible. Or a single woman he hadn't yet met the right person but really wanted to be a mom. I don't understand why it makes you so upset. I'd be proud if my BF had done something like this. The liklihood is that he will never meet these children. Or it could be possible that his sperm donation wasn't even successful with a viable pregnancy... it could have ended in miscarriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can't let him go. It's just too difficult! I want to accept it but the thoughts just pop up and I feel bad. I am judging him for it and I dislike that it comes up so much in my head.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2015): i think you are overreacting!Its not exactly a crime and is in fact a kind thing to do.But are you sure youve got the facts correct? Was he trying to tell you that he already has two children with different women and it didnt work out in the long term so that technically he calls himself a sperm donor because he has no contact with the children.This is not uncommon as it turns out.Originally a sperm donor jacked off in a cubicle to a bit of porn and handed the sperm sample in;for money usually…… or occassionally for research…… but these guys had no way of knowing how the sperm was used so consequently never really knew if there was a successful fertilisation process resulting in a birth. As your bf has confidence that two little uns are toddling around as a result of his actions and he considers he is the sperm donor it could be anything from a one night stand, a secret bit of cheating, to a full blown relationship that went sour.You could find out if he pays maintenance for the children and if he still has contact with the mothers.Many men who refuse to pay child care costs and maintenance consider themselves to be sperm donors.If this is the case it would explain your anxiety as it is likely you would become baby mother number three...or two if just one mother ..and he may similarly disinvest in you once the pregnancy became official.Hence he would claim on the next round ,to be just a sperm donor!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 October 2015):
 How do you get over it?
By accepting that he did this prior to knowing you. By accepting that what he did had NOTHING to do with you.
Any children made with his sperm is not necessarily going to "have his face and features". I have 3 kids with my husband and honestly? they ALL look like my side of the family. Except for the minor detail of their fingers and toes, odd I know.
I have a friend who chose to use a sperm donor's donation to have her daughter. She might never have had a child otherwise.
Now I get it's a little odd that he has offspring out there in the world, that he may never meet, but you being MAD and ANGRY about it? changes nothing. You can't change the past, he can't change the past.
Personally, I'd be more upset if he had had a bunch of unprotected sex and created children that way. Because THAT is responsible.
He GAVE away something that was HIS to give away, his sperm. IT's not yours. HIS.
IF you can't accept it - let him go. Don't hold this over his head. Because the reality is, that there is NOTHING he or you can do about it.
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