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Do I listen to my gut? I want a committed relationship. Am I over-reacting?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Friends, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 October 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 7 October 2015)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I have been on and off with this guy for a few years, I went through his phone (I know I shouldn't be doing that!!) and found out he had a girl stay over at his place recently.. lets just say he lives in a studio. I confronted him and he told me they are just "fiends" and that they didn't hook up. his reason for not telling me about it was because he knew id be mad so he didn't say anything. we are not officially in a relationship but we act like it without the title. i told him i couldn't see him anymore because i need a committed relationship and i wasn't ok with it.

my gut tells me some thing is up or am I overacting?

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (7 October 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntI wish I knew more about "officially" being in a relationship .... And what "titles" that would confer upon me and the lucky lady.....

Good luck...

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A female reader, Honeygirl South Africa +, writes (7 October 2015):

Honeygirl agony auntHon, you were in a friends-with-benefit relationship. He is free to see other people if he so choses. You have obviously invested more into this 'relationship' that's why it hurts.

I have no doubt your gut feeling was right, there was another woman in his life, but now is the time for you to move on with your life. Well done on taking the first step of not seeing him anymore.

You deserve better!

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (7 October 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntYou're not officially in a relationship, it's been on and off with this guy for years, you don't trust him and found out you had a reason not to trust him.

Yes, I think you're right, something is up. If you want a committed relationship with a guy you trust, this one isn't your man. Leave this situation in the "off" position and forget about this guy as a life partner.

Now that you're free of being entangled in the messy on and off thing you had going on for years, you'll be free to meet better candidates.

Good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2015):

i think its time to cut out of this friends with benefits situation. Mr have his cake and eat it is just going to carry on as usual until you do.If you had a guy friend round to stay and lets say needed to share the bed due to the heating being broken down...and then discovered you were warmer with a little jiggy jiggy and then both shared the bath together because your water tank could heat up water quicker for one bath ,not two...and then you kept his phone number for little chats until he visited you next..and your current boyfriend accidentally discovered his number on your phone ,then you'd tell current bf that you didnt mention it because you didnt want to upset him and snoopers only get what they deserve. So maybe you need to take the same priveleges for yourself.....or if you just want an honest one to one relationship, drop the cheating bf and settle for someone who wants more than the leeway of friends with benefits.

[Mod note: dear anon, please add a space after your periods, this is conventional spacing and aids legibility. I have added the spaces to make this a bit easier to read. Thank you.]

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