A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I were fighting too much as he puts it so he kicked me out but we are still together. He kicked me out because when he would give me the silent treatment because I wasn't talking enough and I would try to reassure him by holding his hand he would get pissed that I would talk to him or touch him. Anyway, now that I am moved out he told me to give him his space. At first I was calling and texting all the time crying, but now I give him his space. We see each other like every other day, which is good because when we do see each other we don't fight. However, now there is a new problem. He is complaining that I don't text him or call him as much now. He sleeps during the day and I don't want to wake him since he works at night, and the most I would ever do before was text him on my lunch. Now he wants me to let him know everything I'm doing, like if I'm going to get food, or coffee or go anywwhere, he wants me to keep him posted. He also gets mad if i don't text him that I'm going to sleep or that I woke up. So today I made sure I told him when I got up. That was at 8am. Then, I didn't text him cuz he was sleeping and he usually wakes up at 3 or 4, but i was going to let him text mw when he woke up. I texted him at 6:30pm and he flipped out that i hadn't texted him all day to let him know what i was doing when all i did was study at home. he said i better get my shit together and make him happy or he will dump me. What the hell?! he gets mad when i called too much now it's not enough! it's like no matter what i do its never enough. The other night he said he might hang out with me that night, and since he hadn't texted me until 9:30pm and asked me if i wanted to come over i said no since i had to wake up at 5 for work. He got so mad he cursed at me and broke up with me over text. I drove over there the next day and he calmed down but said i need to see him when he asks. He could have called me earlier because he knew i had to get up early! what is going on? it's like it was better when i lived there because at least then he knew what i was doing all the time. He says he wants me to not live with him for about a month so things can get better but now we have a whole new set of problems because we aren't living together. what do i do? i told him i would text him more, but its like its never enough. when we are together its happy lately, just over the phone is a nightmare. Please help. If i play hard to get it backfires but if i call too much he gets annoyed and wont answer anyway. why is he doing this to me?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 October 2015):
In advance, sorry for the follow "harsh" truth.
Your Bf is a controlling and manipulative nutter!
I get that living together wasn't working out for you two, so he "kicked you out" and now that you don't LIVE with him he feels like he can't control you as easily - so he uses the "you HAVE to report in with an itinerary so I know what you are doing 24/7" OR... I will break up with you! Are you kidding? You take this man serious?
Nothing will be enough for him. If you are (pardon for being BLUNT) silly enough to move back in with him, you will spend your time AT his house waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to kick you out again.
And just living apart DOESN'T solve the REAL issue of WHY you two were fighting so badly when living together.
You are SO desperate to make this work, that you don't see the forest for all it's trees.
You can't FIX this. HE thinks of himself as the SUN and you.. well, you are Pluto. Barely a planet. Your LIFE needs to revolve around what HE wants WHEN he wants it - THAT will never change. He doesn't see you as an equal AT all.
It sounds like a really crappy relationship to be honest. You keep saying we are happy when we are together. Yet, he wants to hang out, but can't be BOTHERED to call you until 9.30 pm and then GETS MAD when you can't do as HE wants you to. You then feel a need to RUN over there the next day and demean yourself by apologizing and "calm" him down! Seriously - how hard is it for HIM to understand that a GF is not at his beck and call? That you have a JOB and thus needs to go to bed and get UP at certain hours that MAY not fit his wishes?
Dumping you, threatening to dump you, kicking you out are ALL manner of HIM manipulating YOU. It's him acting like he is 5 throwing a tantrum, but with consequences. ADULT consequences. YOU feeling hurt mostly.
You write : (and I quote)
"it's like it was better when i lived there because at least then he knew what i was doing all the time."
YES it was better (for him) because that way he had full control over you. Like a prisoner. Now that you moved out (even if it was his wish) you are no longer available to him 24/7 so now he is upset about that too.
WHY on EARTH does he have to know what you are doing ALL the time? He owns you or something? No? Well, maybe you need to tell him that because he think he does. What exactly could you be doing that he NEEDS to know?
Again I quote you:
"I drove over there the next day and he calmed down but said i need to see him when he asks." Really?! When he says jump you better jump or else! That is what he is saying.
I'm sorry honey, you are in your 30's - don't you want more than this for yourself?
And IF you two can't figure out how to coexist in the same household now, Do you really think you will in the future?
If I were in your shoes I'd rather be single than deal with this guy. I would dump him and cut him off.
I think you deserve SO much more. First of all some respect.
I hope I wasn't too harsh, but your post made me so mad at your BF and how he treats you - it's JUST not right.
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (8 October 2015):
 Hon, you deserve better.
This man is an emotional abuser and user. He wants everything on his terms and sulks when he doesn't get it.
You need to put on your big girl panties, and stop calling him, stop running every time he opens his mouth. DUMP HIM.
Block him from your phone, social media etc.,
Would you really be happy spending the rest of your life with someone who treats you so badly?
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