A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a not-too-happy-but loving relationship for 4 years, with a 1 year distance relationship at the beginning. When I have finally moved in with my boyfriend our sex life became cooler after a few weeks. Now (3 years afterwards)he admits that when i came to be with him he stopped feeling close to me sexually. This has been a great problem for me as we had sex once in 2 weeks or once a month (I was 21 when we started living together. At the time he avoided dicussion about this, now he is more open and we talk about it. My major problem however is that he doesn't like to kiss me in a sexual way (only pouts on the lips and cuddles). When we have sex it is never accompanied by a kiss. He understands those "only on the lips"kisses as real ones and says any deeper kisses feel smothering. I love him and i he does love me. We started talking about what we like and recently i started to feel that maybe there is a chance for us, however even when it is good betweet us he doesnt want to french kiss me! I take it that due to his family backround (rather bottle up people)he will never really want to kiss properly (thats what he says) and without kissing anything is just completely unfulfilling to me. In the initial stage of our relationship we kissed pretty often...Am I to leave somebody I love just because I feel emotionaly unfulfilled without kisses?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007): Some guys do not like to kiss girls because of oral sex issues. Some guys do not want to kiss girls that do oral sex in the past their boyfriend. I am not saying you did that. This from a guy perspective, I am similiar to your boyfriend, I only kiss my girlfriend on her lip.From growing up i didn`t fancy french kissing.But i still love my girlfriend very much
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (31 December 2007):
 The differences you have in your intimate relationship are significant and they filter through your entire relationship. I can tell you from experience that down the road it won't get better, in fact from the experience I had, it just gets worse and worse.
I agree with baby duck that it's not that he won't french kiss it's that you can't get that feeling of intimacy with him that you need. The one thing you have going for you is that you can communicate about it. Keep the communications going but don't ever expect him to change.
After 22 years of marriage and several discussions about intimacy and having some progress with these discussions the fact is that people regress into what they are comfortable with. The biggest issue in my marriage was that we were not compatible with our intimacy. It is a big issue.
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A
female
reader, lil'shade +, writes (31 December 2007):
Maybe he loves U but everybody doesn't like to french kiss. U shoudn't leave him for that.
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