A
female
age
41-50,
*F
writes:Hello, My boyfriend made exams and has an inguinal hernia and several cysts and will need surgery where he may loose his testicles and gain Erectile disfunction. He hid everything from me and just broke up with me giving me no reason. Finally he told me why and Im miserable, instead of staying with me he cutts off all contact and says he needs to be alone. I dont know what to do, I love him and he loves me but he cries says he cant be with me. I think my presence makes him think of the problem all the time and he says its torture. Please help me what should I do?
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female
reader, cd206  +, writes (21 January 2007):
 No, don't believe it's over. I really don't want to sound harsh here but I can't think of another way of putting this across. This is his thing, his problem and his issue. You need to give him the time to work itout by himself and not turn it into your problem.
CD
A
female
reader, WF +, writes (21 January 2007):
WF is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe found out in the days between xmas and new year..Only told me Jan 5th, and by phone...cut off contact face to face...I went to see him this thursday because he wouldnbt come see me (says he cant do it) and I did exactly what you said CD I told him I'd be with him...Im hurting, hes hurting but how could he just toss me aside like this? I would be with him all the way..Im so hurt by his atitude and dont know how to offer support, or if I should believe its over..Im so desperate and hurting
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (21 January 2007):
He's having a really hard time at the moment. I've been in a similar situation. My boyfriend when I was 17 has testicular cancer and broke up with me because he was trying to protect me and himself from the pain. I knew he needed time so I told him that he could have all the time he wanted to think about things but that I loved him regardless of anything that happened. When I said that he cried and told me how scared he was and how he couldn't bear to put me through all that etc. I told him that we would get through it together and everything was resolved. I think your situation is slightly more complicated because your boyfriend is facing the possibility of very permanent life changing consequences but I'd try what I did regardless.
CD
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2007): Look, when a man (speaking from my opinion obviously) loves his woman dearly, he would wish to give her his all, the world and beyond, but we're all humans with limitations and such. This operation can be quite serious to a man's mental and physical health. Physically, we can lose our ability to pleasure you sexually. SEX isn't ALWAYS physical solely. SEX can incorporate emotional, spiritual, AND of course physical pleasure.
Mentally, because as an individual, we can go through a lot of depression that we are losing our manhood, our ability to create children, and allow us to give options to our partners, we would rather become hermits of sorts than to see our lovers suffer from that. Least of all resent us, and possibly even cheat on us in the future for such reasons. Anything can happen.
I suggest you write him a letter detailing your thoughts, your desires, and whatever reassurances you can give him, but do not show up at his door. Attach a picture of you and him if you can and leave it at that. If you are willing to wait, then wait a year or two. Otherwise, as bad as this may seem, leave him to his misery. Honestly, there is only so much you can do before he lashes out at you in his tormented state.
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