A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 17 years old and me and my bf have been going out for over a year now. I was wondering if anybody could interpret my bfs actions. He has me very confused. We have done everything sexually except actual intercourse. He is very shy but is happy enough to do everything except physically having intercourse. We have dry sex etc and his actions seem as tho he is ready but he is still, like he always has been, a bit awkward on talking about the subject of sex. I don't want to force him into anything but his actions suggest he wants to. He changes the conversation if the subject of sex comes up (the subject in general not necessarily us having it) Is it likely he just doesn't want actual sex but is willing to do everything else? I know he doesnt plan to wait until marriage so that isn't an issue.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (22 March 2011):
 It's possible, but more likely that he is just uncomfortable talking about it. This is especially likely if you're more experienced than he is.
Maybe he was just raised in an enviroment where talking about sex was uncommon, or maybe he just doesn't want to say the wrong thing. Either way, the best thing to do is sit him down somewhere private and comfortable, and with as little pressure as possible, tell him you like him and want to have sex with him, that he doesn't have to say anything, and that he can initiate it in his own time as long as he promises to be safe. All he has to do now is say yes or no.
Make sure you're of age in your state, keep some condoms by your bed, and be patient. If/when he initiates sex, be enthusiastic. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): I had the same issue he's having. for me it came from a background of sexual abuse. I was capable of maintaining an erection for forplay but when it came to intercourse i would lose my erection. This is extremely embarassing and depressing for a man so i would make up excuses and try to avoid it. i'm not sure if this is what is happening but it sounds like it. My advice is try talking to him about it. And make sure he knows it's ok if he can't. this will give him confidence and reduce the embarrassment. If you can accomplish this chances are he will be able to perform and he wont be able to get enough of you. At least thats what happened to me, and now im married to the woman who helped me get through this. It's not your fault, and he is obviously attracted to you because you've been together for over a year. do not blame yourself.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (22 March 2011):
I want to assure you that this has nothing to do with you, so don't think you're at fault in any way. Chances are he's just really self conscious about it, which is normal for a guy his age (or any guy before their first time)Being physical is one thing, but having sex is a whole different level. Maybe you can try bringing it up to him, but I'm sure he doesn't want to admit that he's shy over it. I'd say just give him time and enjoy your relationship as is. You're both young and have so many other aspects of relationships to enjoy other than sex.Trust me, sex complicates things; a LOT! Just enjoy what you have :)
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