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*udrey
writes: POPS Split with partner of 18 yrs 3 yrs ago due to his drinking & there was another woman involved. He's now with someone else, living with her since August 04. He has been back to me 3 times each for a week. He says he's leaving, it's not workin out. He got offered a flat then pulled out at the last minute. Says he don't know what he wants. She knows he comes back to me yet she takes him back. I still love him deeply & he knows this he just can't stay away. I have no confidence am depressed & am very angry at the way he treats me to the extent I have called his g'f. She has also called me, looking for him. I tell her what he's doing. She says she throws him out, then she lies for him, saying he's not there. This has gone on since dec 04. Please please give advice
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2005): I am not Pops..but can I give some input to your problem. But firstly, I need to ask.. why you two women allowing this man to manipulate the both of you? You say you love him? Why would you love a man who blatantly uses and hurts people? He's a sad, sad case. Ironically, most people would think that he is a jerk because he has too much confidence, but this is where we are fooled most of the time. We can't imagine that this man actually has low self-esteem because he is so insensitive towards everyone around him. The truth is..he has no confidence. Men with confidence, men who respect others, do not treat women like they are yesterday's garbage.
Not only is he a jerk, he is also a great actor. His bad boy demeanor is his shield; the weapon that gives the illusion of confidence. The woman who falls for this poor excuse of a man suffers from the same lack of self-esteem. In essence, these two make a perfect match. This poor girl has no self-esteem of her own and probably doesn't believe she can do better than this man. He has literally become the cause for the loss of all her friends and those Ben & Jerry's binges when he stands her up once again on Saturday night to meet his boys instead or spend time with his other lover. Don't allow yourself to be victimized by this guy. There are wonderful men out there who would treat you much better.
You know full well, this is wrong. A loving, quality relationship entails loyalty, trust, respect and true acceptance. You are miserable..perhaps a bit angry at yourself for allowing this to keep continually happening..and that is what is taking away your sense of self worth. Is it worth all the low self-esteem, the depression, the lack of confidence. He is not the only man out there-time to move on. Be strong, be smart and endure the grief of "cutting him loose"..it won't be easy for the first few months. But over time..you will realize it was the only way to heal from the sorrow, this selfish man is putting you through. And if the other woman is smart and has self-respect..she'll send him packing, too.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (11 July 2005):
Break off all contact with this man. Dont answer hios phone calls. he is treating both you and his current girlfriend like dirt.
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