A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and he moved to Australia to be with me 3 months ago. My friend caught him kissing a girl from his work. It was the girls going away drinks and he was really drunk. I don't know if I can forgive him or not, he said it was just that once, and there was nothing going on between them at work. I don't know what to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): My sister's boyfriend cheated on her early on their relationship by kissing another girl, like your boyfriend he was very drunk at the time. It tore her apart, really it did. I don't know how but she managed to forgive him but she made it clear that if anything happened again, it be over. And it would be as my sister wouldn't be able to forgive again, it nearly killed her the first time! I say give him one more chance and if it ever happens again, cut him loose.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your feedback.He has never given me any reason to think that he would cheat on me. Especially cause he has been very hurt before from a previous girlfriend, and it took him so long to gain my trust to tell me about it. He said he would never do that to me. It was not just a peck, but a kiss that lasted for at least a minute. He does not really remember as he was very drunk. My friend put me on the phone to him just after it happened, I could tell he was very drunk. She had been watching him for a while and that was all that happened, they kissed at the bar and then returned to the rest of the group. I don't understand it cause I have meet her before and he seems proud to introduce me as his girlfriend. She is not attractive at all, it does not make sense.He have talked alot about what happened, as he took the next day off work to talk to me.He wants to work it out, but he also knows what it is like to be in my postion, and said he knows that it will tare me up inside. I have not decided to give him another chance yet, cause it only happended 3 days ago.I think I am going to be able to get over, and then the next minute I think about what happened and I am a mess.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers. I have never had any issue with trusting him, as he has been very hurt before by his x, and has said he would never do it, thats why it makes no sense. I have even meet her and I could never image we would of gone, for her. we have talked alot about it, and he wants a second chance, but he also says he knows how it feels and it tears you up inside. He says he does not know why it happened and never thought he would ever do that to me. Don't understand why he moved to Australia to be with me. The kiss was more than just a peck. It happened once when they were at the bar and then they went back to the group, as nothing had happened, until my friend approached him
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): What's his past dating record like with you. You've known him for 2 years..has he ever done this before? Flirting, playfulness with other females..any signs he is a cheater? Reading your posting, I am wondering if you want to be able to forgive him and move on from this? If he told you it was a 'one time deal' can you trust that he's telling you the truth?
If you say yes..and you can forgive, it's not going to just stop there. To rebuild the trust, it will take a committed effort from both of you and he needs to know that. Now, if this whole kissing incident has been discussed and sorted out, it is now important to remember to not give the incident more power than it deserves, by dredging it up..over and over again.. If it hasn't been sorted, you both need to talk more and he has to listen to how this made you feel. Get it out of your system and then move forward. The focus will be to try finding ways you can move on with your lives together, with a new and improved 'cheat-proof' relationship and it is possible. Setting boundaries, having him watch his alcohol consumption and using good communication will be the key. He needs to be accountable and he needs to help himself find suitable solutions to prevent the same thing happening in the future. Forgiving your b/f does not mean you will forget what happened, but it will mean that you have accepted what transpired and are ready to move forward without bringing the past into your future as a couple. It will be difficult for you to blindly trust your b/f again, but the trust will strengthen as time goes by and through the convincing actions of your boyfriend.
If he has genuinely apologized to you and promised that it will never happen again, then open your heart and give him a chance. You obviously love your b/f and he loves you, which is why you have decided to forgive and move on. So work as a team and be each other's strength in putting the past behind you, looking at it as a learning experience, which will assist you in making your love cheat-proof from this point on. I wish you both peace and happiness. Take care, hun and good luck xx
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (20 October 2008):
 Well it all depends on the kiss. Was it a goofy peck on the cheek, or a clumsy lip-on-lip?....Or was it a purposeful slow kiss that seemed lingering and romantic? Once you can answer that question, you'll know if you have anything to worry about.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): Your trust has already been damaged...so it's probably unrealistic to think you could just forget it ever happened. You and your BF need to talk this through - what it means for you etc.
There's a good chance it was just a once off - and that the alcohol was a factor - but is he never going to drink again, or be around other females when he does?
In my opinion, your BF needs to address what it is that made him go as far as he did - it's my understanding that people who go on to cheat started out with more 'innocent' stuff, like getting a crush on someone else, flirting with someone at work or a kiss in a nightclub...the more little things they do the easier it is when they get the opportunity! He needs to look at what allowed him to 'forget about you' for that moment.
Sorry - probably not what you want to hear...I hope he has learnt his lesson after being 'caught' (good on your friend for tellingyou too!)...but you have reason to be annoyed and mistrusting.
Good luck.
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