| A
female
age
41-50,
*eke
writes: My best friend of 9 years (is male) whom I haven't seen because of my hectic life recently called me to say that he won't be calling or seeing me anymore,that his fiance doesn't like me so we aren't going to be friends anymore.I am married and have no interest in him romantically;and an hour later he called to apologise,saying she forced him to make the call with her right there-now he wants us to be friends secretly.We've been friends longer than they've known each other and I value his friendship but I also have a lot of pride. what should I do?
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female
reader, fuse +, writes (19 December 2006):
Malyce Synn72 totally hit it on the head. I would tell him how much I adore his friendship and how rare it is to find a true friend. Obviously your friendship is innocent your husband is content with it. Tell him you are hurt by his decision and you are not a secret. You are a good person and a dear person he has held on for nine years openly and proudly. I never had a true friend. I am also married and I wish I did so we could double date and such. Ask him is he really willing to loose out on something he has invested in for NINE YEARS. That is truly a blessing to have such a long and loving friendship. fight for it (of course not physically). I am so sorry he's allowing her to be demanding and making awful decisions for him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): Wow.
She sounds emotionally insecure and in turn; she is manipulative and demanding and your poor friend is torn between loving her and commiting to her and being a friend to you.
Why would she not like you? Have you said anything that she would perceive as being in direct conflict with her views? Have you called her on any of her behaviours? Are you a forthright person who speaks her mind?
There are reasons to her wishes that may be unfair in your eyes and by the sounds of it; you friends eyes...but they are her reasons.
That she sees you as some sort of threat is very apparent.
She sounds controlling and in turn is abusive. Emotionally in a big way.
Let me share with you some warning signs that you are being emotionally blackmailed from a book titled "The Emotionally Abusive Relationship" by Beverly Engel.
Patterns of Abuse, page 33:
* Your parnter asks you to choose between something you want to do and him/her.
* Your parnter tries to make you feel like you are selfish or a bad person if you od something she/he doesn't want you to do.
* Your partner asks you to give up something or somone as a way of proving your love for her/him.
*your partner threatens to leave you if you don't change.
* Your partner threatens to withhold money or access to money unles you do something he/she has requested.
I suggest you get this book for your friend to read. Then suggest him and his fiance go to couple's counselling before they marry.
Her issues need to be addressed if they are ever to be happy.
Best Wishes and have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
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