A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My male best friend who have known for the last 6 years He is into fetish wear and sex toys and games.He has confided in me and told me some info about his other life what interests him in this etc.He wants to get me now into it wearing outfits and stuff and going to places where this gets more involved He’s been a best friend nothing more, been in relationship etc, nothing long termWhat would be the reason behind this, what does it mean, Why would he want this?Why would he want me involved being his friend Wouldn’t take this a bit too the awkward side
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2019): My fears are these
What happens to our friendship
If he likes seeing me in an outfit
Maybe so happens I like what he is in
Isn’t that weirding on the friendship
Secondly things like stuff he would want me to do
Nothing nasty or wrong I trust him a 100 percent
But again doesn’t that weird out the friendship
He’s not making do anything I don’t want to do or making me feel bad
I just don’t ever want to loose him
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2019): We are with each other pretty much 100 percent of the time Work together Pretty much live together I’m not disgusted or anything with the whole scene I can’t say if I will like it or not, I don’t want to hurt my friend by him thinking this but at the same time I am thinking is this the sort of thing for meI have feelings for and he has pretty much said the same with me but as long term friendship However this has taken a new level, picking out clothes wanting to know if I would like him or bugger off on him seeing him in an outfit.He has confided in me because he feels safe with me, wants me to understand that world, interested and scared in my reaction to seeing him in an outfit He hopes I would like the whole world of it and be there for him
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2019): Well, apparently you do know what he means and what his intentions are. You said you don't mind, and that you're not offended by it. Then there is nothing left to do but consider his offer.
I think there is a hidden agenda on your part. Over the six years, perhaps you've developed romantic-affections for your friend; and you're willing to do whatever he wants, if you think that's where this will all lead.
Maybe it will, and maybe it won't.
Nobody knows what goes-on in his head, but him. My suspicion is it's not that easy to find dates willing to go the whole nine-yards with his sexual-fetishes and toys; and he's just recruiting any female who's willing.
It takes work seeking playmates specializing in his particular brand of fetish on the spot, or off the cuff.
You're familiar, and in close-proximity (a phone call away!); and he probably senses that you might have feelings for him. That makes you a handy and most convenient candidate. It doesn't mean he reciprocates any romantic-affection for you. If finding fetish-playmates isn't easy; then seek the closest and most convenient and possible choice. A friend!
Just prepare in the event nothing more comes of this than being a friend with benefits. When you add sex to friendship; it doesn't necessarily turn into a romance. That's just the risk you take. Once you cross the line, don't blame him if it's not what you hoped it would be.
Remember also, it becomes your lifestyle as well! You can't play in the mud without getting your hands dirty!
There are sites and clubs where people find willing dates or social-events; but they are very colorful and often scary people. Prepare to meet them, he's not the only one you'll be dealing with.
He's welcoming you into his world. I hope you've got the head and guts for it. Use protection...ALWAYS!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 September 2019):
 If he is testing the waters " for more ",... he is going about it all wrong, topsy-turvy so to speak. Normally, one would first start some sort of intimate / romantic relationship with a partner, then maybe try to tune the partner in on their preferred fetish.
I think he just wants a playmate and partner- in - crime, for that specific fetish / activity, that's all. As other posters have noted, most of the times single men are excluded by fetish clubs/ parties, they need to bring along a lady to be allowed to join the fun. So, maybe ( probably ) he is partnerless at the moment and asked you because he knows you already, it's simpler , quicker, and less awkward than going out seeking someone new.
Did he overstep the boundaries of a regular friendship ? In my book, yes he did , big time; you do not use your friends for your selfish convenience; you do not try to exploit their wallet NOR their body. BUT, I admit that he might be in good faith. Maybe he honestly does not see it as taking advantage or making you a plaything- maybe he just thinks that he would be getting a kinky playmate AND showing you a good time / teaching you something you could become interested in ; so he'd be killing two birds with a stone.
Say, like a male friend who needs a partner,any partner for a poker tournament in the very next future- and he remembers he has this good friend , who does not play cards normally- but she could learn . So he is going to teach her , and ( in his mind ) it's a win-win, he gets to play his beloved game, and she has just learned a new skill.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 September 2019):
 Whether or not there ARE friends who do this, is IRRELEVANT. (I have no idea as I wouldn't call it a friendship when it crosses the line into sexuality)
The REAL question is, IS it something you want to do or not? (with him) If the answer is no, then just tell him you aren't interested.
IF you do, then I think you might soon come to realize that yes, you would be his "toy" for a while.
If you are considering this (with him) is it because you WANT more than friendship and think that IF you do this it might lead to more?
Because I don't think it will lead to a relationship. If nothing romantically has happened in 6 years, why would it now? He is asking because he WANTS someone to do these things with and well, YOU are there.
Most fetish and swinger "clubs" don't allow single men to participate. SO if that is what he is looking for he "needs" a female to accompany him. Again, YOU are there.
Like I said, it ALL comes down to one thing, IS this something you want to do? And want to do with him?
If things go south, the friendship is definitely over. So that is another consideration.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2019): So basically he just wants me as something to keep himself occupiedDressing and doing fetish activities with himI don’t understand it I don’t Ming him telling me and not offended by itBut taking part with him is over the friendship level isn’t itAre there friends out there that do this Doing something kinky togetherIs it testing the waters for more or just basically turning me into a play toy
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2019): Correction, an even better way to say it:
"When certain beliefs or activities are too radical, outrageous, or controversial; you may have to end the friendship."
If you disapprove, move-on. We don't have to institute our disapproval or intolerance on others, and/or their ways. If it's not for you, and you're uncomfortable with knowing this about him. Set your boundaries regarding oversharing, or disassociate. Don't be a phony or a hypocrite; while sitting there in judgemental-silence.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2019): If you want to know what he means by all this, it would seem logical for you to ask him. Why are you asking us?
He's YOUR best friend of six years! It seems to me if he was bold enough to reveal all this to you, that you would be brave enough to ask him what's-up with over-sharing his fetishes with you? You're not a romantic-couple.
If I were in your position, I would feel he was over-sharing; and therefore, his reveal and invitation are inappropriate.
I'll take a wild guess, and assume you're wondering if he has any romantic intentions? Not necessarily! He's recruiting, and wants the freedom to be open about his fetishes. By the way, you didn't mention your reaction as you were being offered this confession. I'll presume you were shocked, and you've been avoiding him ever since?
If you're not into fetishes and this is crossing boundaries; be as honest as he is. I didn't say you had to be prudish or indignant, just completely honest. He's testing the waters!
Let him know if you're not into any of it; and reconsider if you're still comfortable with him. Expect it to come-up again and again. He had to toss it out there to give you a chance to wrap your head around it. If you can't...say so!!! You don't have to shove him back into the closet; just let him know you don't want to share those particular interests he has.
You don't have to step into every door that is open to you. Some activities we're exposed to by others should be avoided; if it goes against our values and conflicts with our principles. If a friend crosses certain boundaries, you should be honest and let them know. A true-friend respects or already knows your boundaries...after six long years! When certain beliefs or activities are too radical, you may have to end the friendship. That's entirely up to you! It won't make you a bad person. You may disagree with a particular mindset or activity, you have nothing against the human being. People can't help what they're born to be, we can choose what we do.
You don't have to participate or engage in anything and everything people throw at you, my dear. People tend to go way too far these days! They have no filters, manners, or morals. It's okay to decline the offer, and even to suggest that he not share such things with you. They're far too personal.
If you're uncomfortable, don't be pretentious. Nothing is worse than "pretending" you're open-minded: and feeling your skin crawling or your stomach twisting in knots the entire time someone is around you! I'd rather a bigot be honest with me, then pretend to like me!
It's not hateful nor prejudiced to disagree or not want to be a part of certain views or lifestyles. You just shouldn't go out of your way to make hate and intolerance all you're about, be openly/deliberately rude to others, or let judging others be the core of all you stand for.
Some things we can handle, some things we just can't!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 September 2019):
There is such a thing as just saying:" no, thanks" if you are not interested.
I don't think you need to feel like you OWE your friend to do this.
And like YCBS suggests, if he is in between partners or has a partner who is not interested, he has decided to be "lazy" and just ask you. Because then he doesn't have to do all the work in finding a new partner.
I'd find it super awkward already. While friends can surely discuss such things as sexual interests... I think asking a friend to join them in their" sexual deviancy" is just plain weird.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (22 September 2019):
 Because he doesn't have a partner at the moment but wants to indulge his fetish? By "going to places where he gets more involved" I assume you mean parties (or orgies) where his fetish (and possibly others) are indulged? Often these parties won't allow single men in, just couples or single women, hence his need for a "wing woman".
Unless his fetish interest is something you share and wish to explore, tell him this is outside the boundaries of normal friendship and he will need to find someone else to take.
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