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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My brother died couple of weeks ago because he had cancer. I even missed a week of school because of it. When I told my best guy friend (also my brother's friend) he said I'm "obsessed" with him and need to forget about him. I was so mad I slapped him across the face! I even got in trouble because of it, but I dont care. Later he got one of his friends to apologize for him. I didn't accept it 'cause I want him to do it in person. It's been a week now and still he hasn't apologized to me. Why is he being a coward?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso I got one of my friends to tell my guyfriend (the one im mad at) that I dont want to be friend with him anymore and that I hate his guts
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female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (12 August 2008):
 Awww, he tried to apologize to you! I know you're hurt, but he is hurt as well, and probably more hurt for having said such bad things to you.
I know this is hard for me to ask, but please be a forgiving spirit. He must be in extreme turmoil right now for having told you all of this. Yes, his guts were the ones who led him telling you the terrible things, but also his guts led him to ask you for forgiveness.
Read the article I gave you last time again. The girl's best friend NEVER asked for forgiveness and actually kept on insulting her. But in your case, your friend saw what he did was terrible and he went to ask you for forgiveness. He waited a while because he thought he would give you time to vent off, but it wasn't the case.
Also, put yourself in his shoes. I'm pretty sure that he was as much hurt for your brother's death as you were. So imagine telling him to stop obsessing over him. You may have not meant it, but your anger, sadness, and impotence may have hindered your thoughts and said things you never meant. And after you calmed down you saw how horrible of a person you were and tried to ammend things with your friend. But with your better sense now establisehd you would realize that he is probably still mad so you wait a couple of weeks but when you finally get the guts (asking for forgiveness takes guts, I tell you) to go up to him, probably having in your mind that you might fail, and ask for his forgivenss and be slaped on the face would probably feel even worse of a person, even when you tried to do good.
I know you're hurt, but he is hurt as well. So if you want to hear my advice, I advice you to hear him about everything that he wants to tell you and please try to see, in a calm state, his sincerity. It's better to have someone you can count on than someone you're enemies with in this time of your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy friend tried apologizing to me but I so mad I slammed on his face. He really hurt my feelings I hate his guts!!
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female
reader, ClaireAndJamieXX  +, writes (2 August 2008):
 People handle death in different ways perhaps your more open about the issue than your friend and every time you mention your brother all the bad feelings that he is trying to suppress start bubbling up again. His little outburst most probably wasnt meant to come out the way it did and he feels too ashamed to come face to face with you and admit hes sorry. Maybe you can take him aside and talk to him about it as he is too scared to approach you. But if he says this again.. Use a fist next time lol good luck xx
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female
reader, lexilou +, writes (2 August 2008):
 Unless he has been through something like this he has no idea what you are going through and is probably a bit embarrassed. I am sorry you have had to go through this at such a young age.
A lot of people dont know how to cope with people who lose loved ones, Im not making excuses for him but he really doesnt know how to behave at the moment.
Just accept that he cannot cope with this and he is not meaning to harm you. You need your friends at the moment so try and make it up with him and let him back into your life x
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female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (2 August 2008):
Somebody else asked this same question and she had a similar situation like yours
Here's the link:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-was-so-mad-i-slapped-her-across.html
You should go in there and read the comments the people gave. I'm sure they will help you.
I'm sorry for your loss. You're going through hard times and you need so much support from people.
Now, I do understand that some people can't just "deal" with the death thing, but I think that your friend kind of got over the line. One thing I do believe, though, is that he's so much hurt by the loss of his best friend that he can't just bear hearing his name as it brings him pain. Probably it was never your fault.
Probably you barely brought him up, but he still gets hurt by the mere call of his name. This happened to my mother when my grandma died. Nobody could mention her for a couple of months after her death because it would bring my mom to tears. This may just be happening to him too.
Now, I think you should give him time to apologize. Remember that your brother was his best friend and for that he steemed him a lot. He probably never meant that you were obsessed with him, but the pain of your loss keeps him from thinking straight. I'm pretty sure that giving him some time to think will make him come up to you and apologize for his words.
I give you my best wishes.
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female
reader, KimmyDee20 +, writes (2 August 2008):
 Hey There,
First of all, I would just like to say how deeply sorry i am for your loss and i guess right now no amount of words will make you feel any better or stronger and its only natural that you would need to talk about it to someone you felt you couold trust at this time of need ... I'm not saying that i fully agree with what you friend said to you to be honest im sure like many people can say how cruel of him to react the way that he did , hwever it could that is was his way of dealing with his loss as he has also lost a friend too , and i guess the reaction/response he got from you made him reaise how cruel it was for him to say that and now obviously regrets it, its obvious sweety that getting his mates to apologise on his behalf makes him look the coward but it may simply be that he feels very guilty with what he said to you hence why he got friends to do it , im sure he is very sorry , but i feel that eventually he will approach you and apologise to you when he is ready right now he prob isnt because hes afraid how you would react ....
remember sweety talking about a loss in the family is not wrong some people choose to talk about it some people dont , he prob chose not to talk about it because he was going through a sense of emotions of losing a friend too id say leave him be for te meantime soon after he wil reaise and then start taking to you again
once again am sorry for your loss , Good luck and if you need to talk again we are always here
K.xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): hi, im guessing he told you to stop obsessing coz he is also hurting. maybe he is dealing with the grief in a different way. you want to express urself, but he wants to keep it all bottled up. And even tho he has not apologized yet he probably will,maybe you should talk to him even if you are annoyed with him, just to clear the air. Anyway he might be being a coward but i can asure he misses him aswell. losing someone your close to affects people in different ways. i hope i have helped.
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female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (1 August 2008):
 I am sorry for your loss, it isnt something you just forget about, and your friend was being very selfish and inconsiderate when he said that to you. He probably is afraid to appologize in person because he dosnt want to get smacked again, lol. He probably knows now just how stupid he was in saying that and is a bit embarassed. Right now you need love and support, and it must hurt to get the complete opposite from the one person who should be giving it to you. Hang in there hon. Things will get better, and now you have your brother looking after you always! many hugs!
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