A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please help! I recently fell out with my best friend of 11 years.the reason we fell out was a little to to with alcohol and alot to do with our boyfriends! basically me n my friend used to see eachother every weekend we went to university together n talk to eachother almost every night! then she started going out with a boy who doesnt seem controlling but little by little she would refuse my intervatations ne to busy to take my calls and in the end i got fed up. we never fell put but i decided i wasnt putting my neck out for her anymore. I invited her to a friends party one day and she went crazy at me screaming saying i never bothered with her i didnt wanna be her friend im a bitch. Bearing in mind the week prior to this outburst I had invited her out twice and done her small favor by dropping her younger cousins friends to a party as her aunt could not fit them all in her car. my friend brought along her bf and hardly spoke to me! im not a confrontational person so when she started screaming at me i tried to defend myself n in the end walked away! the problem is my boyfriend saw this amd shouted at her to go home and leave me alone. i wish to god he never i never asked or wanted him too.I didnt speak to my friend for 2 months after this day despite me messaging to appolagise for my bpyfriends behaviour. We were at a mutual friends party on the weekend and she explained she could no longer be my friend if he was in my life. breaking up with him is not an option weve been together 7 years and hes amazing. My question is this is it a good idea to still try and salvage mine and my friends relationship??? or do i walk away
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (21 October 2014):
 Thanks for the follow up, but before you speak to your friend...assuming you haven't already, I recommend you keep that chat brief.Whether your boyfriend would have, but didn't issue a similar ultimatum is not the point. Your friend behaved badly and the longer the explanation, the more likely another fight will result. Your friend is unstable. That is reason enough to keep her at a distance. If this were me, I'd simply not respond and let my silence do the talking for me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2014): Hey,
I'm very greatful for your replies and theyve been useful in helping me come to a decision im going to explain to my friend that my boyfriend would never ask for such a decision and cut her off. I have a great group of friebds and dont need her negativity.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 October 2014):
 I have to say I agree with Ciar.
Friends don't give friends ultimatums like this. Your BF was sticking up for you the night at the party. Maybe because he KNOWS you aren't the confrontational sort and he wasn't comfortable with your "friend" screaming abuse at you. I really don't think he did anything wrong, though of course it could all have been less dramatic.
Let your friend go. If you walk away from a decent relationship for her.. HOW long do you think will be before she finds something else "wrong" and then you have to do x,y,z - jump through flaming hoops to "prove" your friendship to her?
No, I'd say let this friendship run out in the sand.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (20 October 2014):
Let her go.
For one thing, I don't like ultimatums so the person giving me one would be the one to be cut loose.
And for another, she's unstable and highly volatile and I don't like that sort either. They're too demanding and too much work to be around.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2014): Some friend she is. It's run it's course. Who the hell is she demanding "it's me or your boyfriend".
If you decide to talk to her, I'd calmly say that you think your friendship has run it's course, you tried to extend invitations to her and got tired of the excuses and that now you don't feel you have common interests any more.
In reality, she's a spoilt little madam who thinks she can tell you to end a relationship for her? You run around on errands for her and that's how she repays you?
Focus on your other friendships and relationship, let her regret this move in her own time.
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