A
female
age
36-40,
*Lindy87
writes:Hey there, please read, sorry its long. I need your help.my friend since childhood, I'm 22 now and so is she, we've been friends since we were five, isn't that great of a friend anymore. Somehow I didn't see it before but as of lately I realize that she's very self absorbed and really takes me for granted. This is supposed to be my best friend in the whole world, at least that is what I've referred to her as. Somehow I think I that I only refer to her as that because of the amount of years I've known her, not the quality of person she is. Here is why I think this:When she has a problem I'll help her through it, if she even tells me about it, but when I have a problem she brushes it off superficially with words like "that sucks" or "ya" or "thats not good". No real sincere comments, more just things she thinks she's supposed to say.moreso, she got mad that I didn't tell her I had sex with this guy I've been off and on with. I told her I have a right to a private life and she retaliates with "then i won't tell you what my boyfriend and me do" as a threat more than anything else...so I did eventually say "I'm sorry you feel betrayed, however I have a right to a private life and I'd appreciate if you didn't get upset if I don't always share things I don't feel like with you, you're still my friend" and she never responded back (it was a text). another thing is that this guy I was seeing in February met her and her boyfriend and on the way back to my place, after we parted with her and her boy, my boyfriend at the time made a comment that he couldn't believe that I was friends with her, that she tunes me out when I talk. how do I deal with this? she has been in my life for 17 years. That's almost my entire life.p.s. after my ex had told me that I did start to notice things in her I hadn't before and sat down and confronted her about her attitude towards me, telling her that I feel like we take our friendship for granted, knowing I probably do too maybe. She really just brushed that off too. I'm afraid my only option here is to cut her out of my life, but how do I do that to someone I've known for so long????thank you so much for reading all of this and all your words of advice:)
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female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (15 June 2010):
 Dear LLindy - I agree with you. You only option right now is to cut her out of your life. That does not always mean forever. You are placing a lot of emphasis on how long you have been friends and yes 17 years is a long time but that also doesn't mean that you have to remain friends. Sounds to me like she doesn't care as much as you do about the relationship. Try cutting her out for a while and see what happens. It can go either way - she can either not care (in that case you didn't lose much) or she may see that there is a hole in her life because you are not in it. But you won't know that unless you follow through on this. Good luck.
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