A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really need to understand what my best friend is going through. She is self destructing herself, with constant jump from guy to guy and what she calls meaningless things with them.She has always been a happy well respected girl, she never put herself out there to easily or got involved too quickly. But these past two months she's changed, we went on holiday and she kissed quite a few guys and said 'i'm on holiday, i'm just having fun'. Then last week she got with this guy we all thought she liked, but told us 'it's just a kiss i don't want to get involved' and now they meet up occasionally to make out. And last night she was flirting and ended up kissing this other guy.I asked her what's going on, and she said it's harmless it's just kissing it doesn't mean anything. And i agree with that, but it's not her!? So when i asked why she thinks like this, she said ... 'I tried giving guys a chance, but now I'm just tired of being messed around and screwed over'. This way i know where i stand and i don't have the risk of being hurt'. Which i found really upsetting to hear, I know in the past few months she has been messed around by five guys that i know of, they used her, led her on, lied. So i understand that! But she's acting tougher than i know she really feels!! What is she going through and what is going on inside her mind? Should i let her carry on and learn the hard way? Because i feel she is rebelling against those guys, and she will get more hurt and i can't bear that! But she won't listen!???
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female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (3 July 2011):
i can relate to exactly what she is going through and how she is feeling and it is not nice she probably feels hurt and worthless by the way men have treated her so she is going out kissing men and not getting involved with them because she doesn't want to get hurt again
A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (3 July 2011):
 I don't think this is a product of a burning desire to exact revenge on the male species in general for what has been done to her but, if this exists at all, it is secondary to a desire on her part to re-establish control over her life and her emotions. She has been hurt, in her own mind, because she has ceded control over her life and feelings to another person if that makes sense. This is her way of getting over this sense of being hurt and re-establishing her own balance in her own eyes. She making sure she's in control and therefore can't be used anymore and she thinks this is the best way to be safe.
From what you have told us she said here:-
"'I tried giving guys a chance, but now I'm just tired of being messed around and screwed over'. This way i know where i stand and i don't have the risk of being hurt".
So, rather than exacting revenge shes trying to protect herself from being hurt. You say shes acting tougher than she is - she's not acting tough at all, she's acting out the pain she feels at what has happened. I'm not entirely surprised she won't listen - she's acting out and will have walled you out too to create her own little protective bubble.
What does that leaving you being able to do. You could try an intervention if there are others who feel like you do but I feel like she is likely to retreat further into herself. I think your right she will probably get hurt even worse but I don't think telling her that will have an effect - you may have to wait this one out, be patient and try and influence her positively to curb her worse excesses. She's lucky to have a friend like you and no matter what she says she does appreciate it - never forget that. Good luck :)x
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