A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a really complicated situation. I'm a 22 year old female who is madly in love with my best friend/ex-girlfriend's brother. Confused already? Me too..I'm not a lesbian; I'm far from it. But when I was in high school, my best friend told me she had feelings for me, so I went along with it--not expecting I'd end up in a 5 year monogamous relationship with her. Long story short.. We decided that even though we "loved" each other deeply, the relationship wasn't going to work out because we wanted different things in life.So back to her brother.. Before my ex and I got together, her brother and I flirted with the idea of being together, but never made it official because of stupid high school reasons. After I got with my now ex-girlfriend, her brother and I stopped with those flirtations. He knew we were together and serious about our relationship. He moved on and found a girl who he has been with for a few years now, but we both knew that there would always be something there.Now that his sister (who is still my best friend) and I have been broken up for nearly a year, I've noticed we've fallen back into those old habits. He even told me he was in love with me and wants to be with me one day. I didn't tell him how I felt back, but I know he knows. So you're probably asking yourself, "What's the problem?" Well, there's a couple big ones. #1 He is still with his girlfriend. He's very unhappy in his relationship with his current girlfriend and has expressed to me, his sister, and brothers that he doesn't want to be with her anymore, but feels stuck. Plus she's crazy. The last time they broke up, she attempted suicide because she was so devastated. I honestly think she'd tried to kill me or herself if he ever left her for me.Problem #2 My best friend/ex-girlfriend is completely against the idea. Neither of us have told her how we feel about each other, but we don't have to. We know she knows. She's expressed to me multiple times that she would hate us if we got together because of our past together. I want to be with him so badly, but I don't want to lose my best friend. She honestly is the most important person in the world to me. We've been through a lot together and I would hate to hurt her like this. But what about me and my happiness? I'd like to think she'd get over it and accept it eventually, but she's very strong-willed and I honestly don't think she would.. Advice? Please.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2012): You will be killing your freindship if you date her brother. The right choices in life are sometimes the hardest ones to make and live with but you should not be with her brother no matter how hard it is for the two of you. You can love him and not have him and you will be happy with someone else but if you value your friend and you don't want to lose her or your relationship you have to swallow it and give up on being with her brother. Just like him from afar.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (29 May 2012):
 Imagine you have a brother or a sister. How would you feel if your ex/best friend got with him/her? Unhappy I bet!
If your friend is the most important person in the world to you then you CANNOT be with her brother. End of story. She would not ever get over it, you were in a serious relationship for 5 years and are still best friends, it would be so painful for her to see you and him together and that pain would never go away. You would be hurting her beyond all belief.
Men come and go, but friends are forever. There are going to be plenty of men or women out there who you fall in love with, there are millions of people on this earth who will be just as suitable for you as her brother seems to be now. I know you feel very strongly for him now, but in time those feelings will fade, you will move on and you will meet someone else who you fall madly in love with.
If you want to keep your friend then dont date her brother. Simple as that. Distance yourself from the brother, give yourself time to move on - and then think about dating other people.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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