A
female
age
30-35,
*aura Joanne
writes:This is the same question but I am going to tell the longer story this time.. I just need to get it off my chest to be honest.About 3 years ago I met a guy on a social networking site out of the blue, I added him to my msn and that was it really, we didn't speak for a long time just regular chit chat. Then out of nowhere we started having longer conversations, going on cam with each other.. staying up all night speaking. We became best friends, he told me everything from ex girlfriends to family and I did the same with him. This carried on for about a year, I never hardly went out because I just prefered to stay in and talk with him because he was the only person that understood me. After about a year I suddenly realised how much he really did mean to me and how much my feelings had grown, it was very obvious to him that I had feelings for him and he told me very sadly that he did not feel the same way. Things were a bit awkward and for a month he did not talk to me, after having someone there every single day to talk to you.. him just cutting me out of his life broke my heart. I cried for days and days, I couldn't sleep/eat/focus on anything, you could say I was becoming obsessed. After about a month I gave up hope of him ever talking to me again but out of the blue he popped up and it was like a firework going off in my stomach, I was the happiest I had ever been. Obviously I was mad about him just suddenly stopping speaking to me and I wanted answers. We carried on talking again as usual, and then he asked me to meet him which was when things got very tricky. See we had built up a relationship online and I was scared if we did meet I would never be as good as he thought I was, so I put it off I kept making excuse after excuse not to see him, he got sick of it and we both just stopped talking for a couple of weeks. By this time I had been talking to one of my friends called Adam who I used to have a thing for when I was younger, he asked me out on a date and because me and this person were not talking I thought well I might as well go for it! so I did ( this is the person I am engaged to today! ) After about 4 weeks of me and Adam dating this person popped up again, telling me how proud he was I had moved on and how happy he was I was happy so I thought great! I can have a boyfriend and a best friend, little did I know this person was going to confess his love to me the very next day, he begged me to leave Adam and I was stuck in the middle of this, I had a new life and a new boyfriend and I was happy, but this old love was sucking me back in. I tried to break it gently to him that I couldn't break up with Adam and he got drunk, and cut himself which I was shocked about, very shocked about. We tried to make our friendship work and he told me how much he loved me everyday it was just impossible, but I still love him as my friend. He stopped talking to me again, and the other day I received a message saying I am blocking and deleting you from msn, just leave me alone. I don't know what to do. He was the best friend I ever had and I feel like I am slowly breaking down because I miss him so much, please someone give me some advice on what to do... I think I am going to go insane.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): This friend seems a little unstable. He had the chance of something deeper with you but passed up the chance. You find a real life boyfriend and he falls to pieces. Self abusive rears its head. All very toxic. Even though he has blocked you, he may well pop up again in your life. It all sounds like something you can do without.Regardless of the fact that you miss having him as a friend I would recognise that whatever you had has changed into something rather nasty. Best forget him and not try to analyse why things went wrong, there's nothing to be gained.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Kinda' sounds like my situation at the moment but in reverse.
I think you gotta' try and talk to him face to face, rather than msn, webcam, etc. Make it personal.
I told my best friend about a year ago I fancied her but she said she wasn't in that place. I'm now in love with her and she means absolutely everything to me, and I know I have to tell her because it's tearing me apart.
Think about him for a second, maybe deep down he really did feel the same but had some stuff going on in his life at that time. Or maybe he cared so much that he didn;t believe in himself, which lies with his insecurity.
At the same time him cutting himself isn't a good sign. Sounds like he has fallen for you in a big way even borderline obsessive to put it mildly.
Think about how you felt when he said, 'No' to you. This is how he is feeling now.
If you're sure you want to be with Adam then you have to get your friend face to face. Don't let him emotionally blackmail you. Him blocking you etc, is because he is hurting and he is trying to hurt you back, but he's dealing with it all the wrong way.
As for you remaining friends I don't think that can happen. Sorry.
It sounds like another one of those best friend relationships that could have blossomed into a wonderful romance, but again unfortunately didn't.
I'm sorry if I sound a bit harsh but sometimes the truth is.
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