A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, Around June time last year I fell for my best friend – we have known each other for 8 years and being only 24 that is quite a long time. The thing is he has supposedly wanted me this whole time, yet when I finally fell for him – he ran.After some brief conversations he exclaimed that he didn’t feel the same was – reluctantly I accepted this – I had turned him down prior to this and also “not everybody likes their tea the same way”. However after this said conversation he would say things like “don’t move away I’ll miss you”, “don’t freak out but I always thought you were the one”, “I was thinking about having kids with you”. As messy as this already is there are a few more hitches; firstly he is not sure of his sexuality and has had a brief fling with a man before and there is a guy on the scene. Secondly there is also another woman on the scene who he also – plays? Strings along?About mid-December we had another talk – at this point we (more him) decided that no – it’s not going to happen at all. He declared that he was truly my “best friend” and just didn’t feel that was about me but would be there for me through thick and thin. Ok fine – but he then came out and kissed me all night long and said he never wanted to let me go – and then on Boxing day we slept together, me taking his virginity. Yes – alcohol was involved in these last two occasions. Then on New Year’s Eve once again the beer was flowing and I’m ashamed to say I can’t quite remember everything but he basically said he didn’t want me in anyway at all and pushed me away. We have had 3 brief text conversations since – all three of which he has started and still maintain to be my friend but I just don’t know what to do. The one he stated that he missed me – and when I reciprocated and said I missed him his comment was “as a friend I hope…”Why did he do this? Naturally being a size 18 – 20 this has also thrown any small amounts of confidence out of the window – even though he insists this is nothing to do with it. Is he really a friend or did he used me? Are the 8 years’ worth anything? In the text conversations I have been quite hostile – because he has seriously hurt me – should I try to contact him or just leave it? I have no problem with him being gay but why did he have to play me? 8 years!!! I am just a mess right now, I feel worthless, humiliated, lonely and totally unattractive and also like I have lost a best friend even though I doubt he ever was one. The two other lads in our group of 4 have not bothered to be in touch and in a paranoid as I feel like they don’t give a dam either. Plus he is probably laughing about all this to the other women. Partly being a young lad I honestly don’t think he realises the hurt he has caused –but he has, and I just don’t know what to do. I would be so grateful for any advice or suggestions!Sarah
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best friend, confidence, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Broadminded  +, writes (5 February 2013):
 This is a bad relationship going down the path of being worse. Cut the pain and drop the relationship. He'll use you and act nice when he wants something. But he'll abuse you also. It's unhealthy and you know it. Be alone, work on yourself and then live your life. Don't be afraid because if you don't move on you'll miss out on your life by holding back from fear. Your life is waiting and it's not with him.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 February 2013):
It must be stressful to be "plus" sized, because it seems like people are blaming a lot on their size.
Look, the guy liked you before and I assume you were plus sized then as well. So don't let that mess your head up.
It sounds like he has changed his mind for other reasons... His sexuality and the other people in his life.
Also, when things are said under the influence you have to take them less seriously. He obviously likes you a lot, but at this time in his life things are probably just too complicated and confusing for him to be with you.
Do your best not to take it personally.
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