A
female
age
26-29,
*abewithbrains
writes:Hi there, all of you.I'm really down at the moment because i found out that my best ever friend (Pretty much my only close friend in my class) is moving away to France. They won't come back to our town, or my shcool. She's my first ever best friend thatI've ever really trusted and I don't know how to deal with her going! I thought she wasn't going to move for years but she's leaving in November and her sister has already left to start school in september! i know that at the moment I'm dealing with it badly - I've stopped talking to my father, though I haven't seen him, and I can't stop thinking about her. The sad thing is that I don't habe that many other friends that I really like, and I get teased a lot for being clever etc. and I don't know if I can cope without her.I know it's not her fault and that she's upset too. My mum wants me to go and stay with her for a term, to improve my french, but she was so vague about what is happening to her, and when or where she'll go. (I know she's going to live with her Granny in Marsaille but for how long I don't know. It just seems all so sudden.Ok, I better go now as i'm crying and eaten far too much chocolate.Any advice would be appreciated.Jellyxxx
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female
reader, babewithbrains +, writes (30 August 2008):
babewithbrains is verified as being by the original poster of the question I am NICE to people - but if I am too nice i get called a suck up and things like that.Most of the people in my class like me, but there are just these girls who keep bothering me. Making things like a "Circle of Friendship" and telling me in no uncertain terms to piss off. Of course, this all tends to change when we get to exams and i'm pretty much the popular one then, and I hate it, because it's all fake. The sad thing is I've always had a shoulder to lean on this past year, but now she's leaving I can see everything going topsy turvey and crashing down. Plenty of people like me ennough to come to my parties and give me xmas cards etc. but they're all quite happy to let me be pushed around. What i'm scared of is that I'll cry when she leaves, even though I'll be spending half term with her (She is leaving this term, about then) in Marsaille. Last time I moved shcools, last year, it was OK because I'd still be able to see my class mates, but now they've all left for Boarding shcools like St Eds and Kings, which my parents just can't afford to send me to. It's just so annoying that she left without warning. I know it can't be all finacial and that pfiser's where her dad works is shutting down and that there is probably more behind the scenes, but i am still trying to make sense of shcool without her. No one else at shcool understands me because I am so different from them ie.I don't listen to music, I play music. (Sax, Flute and Piano)My last shcool was prep so i am way ahead in most subjects and taking a GCSE next year.I live in the next town, rather than go to the nearer grammar shcool (because, basically, it's useless)I am the most horrible student because I correct teachers and tend to be right.I do apologies for sounding so arrogant, and I do apprieciate you reding this and answering my question. I am just so upset and i keep biting people's heads off just for talking to me. (This includes my family and my friends and the cats) It probabl doesn't help that i am getting rather nasty cramps at the moment which no ammount of iboprofen seems to help. So i thank you for your answers and by the way, tisha, you had some very valid points and I don't think of you as an old fogey.Jellyxxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): HiOkay have it your way jelly! you are quite right you wont make any Friends with a attitude like that! we have all spent the time to read your post and taken time to answerto try and make you feel happier. No one is patronising you and people ARE bothered about you..we were..i was!!!!! that's why i answered and that is why i thought i would check if you had wrote any response...( not the one expected). You may be a babe with brains...but get wise! be NICE to people and they will like you..throw peoples kindness back in their face and you will find it very hard to make and keep friends. You are twelve don't try and be twice your age, there is plenty time to be a grown up.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (29 August 2008):
 Hi, Jelly, I know what it's like to lose friends through moving. I went to 6 different schools when I was growing up. Either my friends would move away, or I would. It's really tough. I remember crying a lot.
I have to say this, though, at the risk of sounding like an old fogey. You know, the ones who say things like, when I was your age I had to walk 2 miles uphill in a snowstorm to mail a letter. Both ways. No, seriously, back then I had to rely on snail mail to keep in touch with my friends. It was soooo frustrating to have to wait for their letters! I wrote a ton of letters back then.
Nowadays, you kids don't know how good you've got it (that's the old fogey talking again). You have the internet and email and myspace and facebook and all the social networking sites to help keep you in touch. Start planning with your friend how you're going to communicate and set up your system now. And you can plan your visit to her. Start practicing your advanced French now.
I have a quote from Jane Austen to share with you, because I think you might spend a little time thinking about it.
"I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them."
Attitude and the way you carry yourself, that's what people respond to, either by ignoring you or by wanting to spend time with you. If you think that people aren't going to be bothered about you, you start treating them disdainfully, well, you'll get that back in return.
You seem to be very precocious for a 12 year old, and you mentioned you get teased because you are clever. Do you tease them back about something? Or do you bristle with resentment? Again, you don't need to answer, this is just food for thought.
If you work at it, you and your best friend will remain friends for life, and hopefully you'll have other friends that you can introduce her to, as your circle of friends grows as you get older and wiser. (Not that you're not wise now, of course.)
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, babewithbrains +, writes (28 August 2008):
babewithbrains is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am 12 years old.
I don't think I will make many more friends because no one is all that bothered about me.
Don't patronise me, please.
Jelly
xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2008): awwww!!!youre so young and i understand your friend is special to you! give your friend your house addresss and a picture of the two of you.tell her to write to you sending her address- you can become writing pals!!! and hopefully she will have the internet and she can email you too!!dont worrry!!!you willl make lots of new best friendssss!god blessfriend xxx
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