A
female
age
30-35,
*onfused_123
writes:I know how bad being in love with your best friends ex sounds and I know people will think instantly "Don't go there. You're risking yuor friendship" but it seems different to me because SHE was the one who messed up their relationship. They'd been going out a month and she'd never been an exactly fantastic girlfriend- she was always gonig on about how hot other guys were and stalking them (not serious stalking, just staring at them and coincidentally following them home). She used to go on about how hot other guys were when he was right there and I didn't even like her boyfriend in that way then. I mean I thought he was good catch and everything but i didn't get my feelings until they broke up.See, she met up with this guy in the year below us (year 10) she used to really fancy his older brother and then one day his younger brother added her on facebook and said "Heyy x" or something along those lines. She was SO happy about this. She went on about it a fair ammount too and coomented him back and they had this long flirty conversation that i saw and I just though "What the hell? What about your boyfriend?". Anyway, about a week later she met with the guy in mcdonalds and one of my other friends saw it and texted all of us. My friends boyfriend found out and (understandably) really upset. Because most of her friends had such a huge go at her for doing this and her boyfreind was upset she dumped him because she apparently "didn't desrve him" which i assumed translated into "I want to go out with this other guy now." Her actions seemed to shallow. She wanted this new guy because she thought he was hot- not because of his personality. Her boyfriend was pretty upset so i stared talking to him- just trying to cheer him up and then after abit it hit me. I was so in love with this guy. He was amazing and totally perfect and single! My friend was going out with someone else and he seemed to at least like me as a friend. After a while i asked my friend how things were with her new boyfriend and she just sais "okay". I noticed she didn't seem as thrilled as i expected but didn't say anything. Then i did something that seemed like a good idea at the time. I told her a i liked her ex. My logic was that i couldn't do anything witout her permission or consent and it's best of she heard i liked him from me raher than from someone else. She said she really missed him and was still completely in love with him and regreted everything she'd done.I wanted him to be happy and i thoguht he wanted to get back with her so (even though it was killing me inside) i said "You shouldn't do nothing about this. Try and get him back then." She tried and he wouldn't get back with her. Apparently "it wouldn't be the same" and now she's so depressed and is STILL trying to get him back. This is killing me- i want him so badly and i haven't done anything to deserve this except try and be his friend after his painful breakup. He doesn't like her anymore and he's into all the same atuff as me. The "rules" are you can't get with your best mates ex- even thouhh this is all her fault! Don't get me wrong- i love her and she's a good freind but im sure she is NEVER gonna be okay with me going out with him. I'm pretty sure he likes me because i told him i liked him and he practically said he liked me too a while ago. I'm sorry this is such a stupidly long question and makes me sound ever so bitchy but i don't know what to do. Maybe my friend will move on eventually and i wouldn't mind waiting to be with him but what does everyone else think? Thanks if you the time to read all this :) x
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best friend, broke up, depressed, facebook, flirt, her ex, move on, stalking, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Confused_123 +, writes (15 January 2010):
Confused_123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for both answer I see what you're saying about being loyal and true to my friend and take that on board. I don't want to lose her and wouldn't go out with him in less she was okay with it anyway.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2010): You know, I am sorry but I didn't even bother reading your little diatribe about how your best friend did this or did that to ruin her relationship with her ex boyfriend.
Number one, you are both really too young to be so hung up and obsessed with one boy whether it be this particular boy or not. Instead put your focus on you and accomplishing some goals in your life, like being a good student so that you can get into a good college and have a passion for something other than boys. It doesn't make for a very interesting girl when all she can think about and talk about is some guy.
Now, back to your friend. It doesn't matter what you think of how their relationship was. What matters is that she is your friend, period. And unless you want to end the friendship permanently, do not chase after her ex boyfriend and do not accept a date from him if he asks. Not unless you ask her first how she would feel about it, if she still has some feelings about that you need to respect them. There are plenty of other boys to date, and why would you want to be seconds to her anyway?
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A
male
reader, Kundalini Rake +, writes (14 January 2010):
 Light of my light! Teenagers and its poor way to understand loyalty...
We are devoted precisely to our feelings, not to invisible words. You are in the middle of a game of seduction. The first moment the lust arose in front of your pity friend as a hot guy, she precisely displayed what is not being loyal towards people that care about her. Instead, she literally dumped all meaning of respect for his ex-boyfriend into fooling him.
Be loyal to your own feelings when someone is not.
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