A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I've known this friend from school for 2 years now, and we share everything, at least I do. The only things she won't talk to me about is her family problems. She's told me that she hates bottling her problems but isn't sure if she should tell as her worry is that I'd judge or my perception of her or others might change. I'd like her to know that I'm always there if she needs me, but she doesn't try talking to me either. How can I show her that I trust her and she should be able to trust me too.
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female
reader, pixiegirls  +, writes (13 January 2011):
 Most likely it's not that your friend doesn't trust you, but whatever issues are going on in her family are too embarassing for her to tell you at the moment. Especially at the age you both are, what others (especially friends from school) think are very important. For her to open up and explain the situation(s) to you, also means she has to face them as well.....and she might just not be able to do that.
Are you more worried that she just hasn't told you the problems, or have you noticed that she's changed lately? One thing you could tell her, along with continuing to reassure her that you will be there for her, is to encourage her to at least talk to a counselor at school, a teacher, nurse, or adult outside of the family.
Unfortunately, some people grow up in family situations that might be so different than your own, it is hard to imagine. Arguments with brothers, sisters, and parents happen in every family, but there are a number of people who grow up in families where there is physical violence, alcohol/drug abuse, neglect, molestation, or more. Those situations she needs to let an adult know about...for her own health and safety.
The best you can do for now is try not to push her into revealing her family troubles, but let her know at times that it's okay for her to talk to you about it...even a little if she needs to. You might still want to mention to her about talking to an adult at school if she's more comfortable with that, but definitely should if there are serious problems going on in the family.
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