A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a problem that does not directly concern me, but my best friend and my sister. My sister and my friend were in a relationship for about five months, but broke up just yesterday. I have had a suspition that my friend was more in love with my sister, rather than the other way around, and she didn't always treat him as well as he desverved. My problem however, is that I don't know quite what to say to either one of them. I'm no good with words, at least not spoken out loud. I know that my friend is hurt, and I want to be there for him, but I am afraid I will only come up with the wrong things to say. I don't want to choose sides, it's harder to do that when both people are close to me. Puts me in a tough position. I would be so grateful is anyone could help me!
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (3 October 2011):
 My once close friend had a major crush on my brother once, and he didn't like her so much back. They did however have an affair of sorts, which everyone knew about, he just never admitted to it.
When they broke up he was as silent about it as before, she on the other hands felt a need to rant about him to me, of all people. Telling me intimate details about every part of their relationship.
I had to tell her that I was there for her as her friend, but this was my brother after all, and she could not tell me details. Nor could I accept any downtalking about him, or throw myself into gossiping about him with her. He was, and I had to repeat this to her, after all my brother. I couldn't, and wouldn't take sides. I'd listen to her rants for a bit, but was always firm on not adding any information.
In other words, I didn't get mixed in it. You can't get mixed either. Stand on the sideline, your friend will understand, and your sister will understand as well. If they want to down talk the other or complain about the other, which is common after a break up, they need to go to someone else, because you have your loyalty to both of these people. They can talk to you about pain and hurt, sure, but you need to stay on the outside of things. You are not to pick sides, or meddle.
Remember that you do not have to chose between them. You can keep both as your friends, and keep your loyalty to both. But you must put down the line when/if they overstep it, and not allow them to drag you into it. Even if they ask you to pick a side, do not pick a side. Stay loyal to both.
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