A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been separated for 1.5 years and did not date at all. I recently met a guy through mutual friends and we hit it off. He is very old fashioned and very scared to get hurt. He has not been in a relationship for over 8 years. We do not get to see each other much as he works out of town and is usually home weekends only. He has told me we could never be friends with benefits as he has too much respect for me. He wants to go real slow and wants to be my best friend first before we take it to the next level. I respect this and I know he is genuinely interested as I have already met his parents and his children. He also talks long term. What I am having problems with is his actions don't always match his words and now I think I have scared him off. I had several friends over for my B-day party and he knew a couple of them...well I guess a couple of mine were questioning him about his intentions towards me and he replied, I really really like her and I want to persue her. We all got pretty drunk and his ride left so I told him he could sleep over. He did and nothing happened which was fine with me. But the next day we were to spend it together and I never heard from him? I called and left a message and text. Now two days has gone by. I realize I probably scared him off but to be so rude as to not to return my calls?? How or should I let him know I am ok with backing off and going slower or should I just forget about him. Will he call? He is not a player and has said things to me like when I give you my heart I am an all or nothing guy and it will be forever.
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male
reader, happy140  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 As a male, I feel sorry the man. Unless you paid attention to him all night he feels cornered. He was interrogated all night by your friends and it sounds like he wasn’t by your side all night as a proud new boyfriend or other wise he would never had to answer those questions as it would have been obvious to anyone who watched you two that night. He slept over innocently and that is great, did you get up and say something like “I’m really glad you spent the night” and did something together? Just from the little info I think he felt abandoned and defenseless all night. That would have been a perfect opportunity to enhance your relationship by sleeping together, and I mean sleeping together, no sex. You two could have lay on the couch or in bed and talked. YOU need to try and contact him via text and let him know where your feelings are. I am sure his feelings are hurt for having to defend himself all night without support from you, hence he feels as if he cares more for you than you him. Were you there for him? Do I have what went on wrong?
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