A
female
age
36-40,
*ettyBoup
writes:I went out for my birthday with my boyfriend. We met up with friends. Later in the night my best friend came to join us in a bar. We all sat around a table, me, a friend, my boyfriend and best friend sat next to each other. They were both very drunk. At some point it seemed that my boyfriend and best friend were flirting. They were messing around, she was poking him and he was responding. I thought I could see like chemistry betwern them. I felt uncomfortable and awkward. Me and my other friend were just looking at them, I was just thinking what the f...? I looked at my friend and raised my eyebrows to say what is going on. My boyfriend left fir a while. Then my friend said to my best friend, omg you are jealous of my boyfriend and my relationship. Then my boyfriend came back and they started again. I was just thinking, what are they doing, are they actually flirting with each other? I just felt really uncomfortable and awkward. In the end I just went outside to smoke and decided to go home. My boyfriend came with me.basically, I don't really know what to do or how I feel. In a way I dont want to bring it up because I doubt he will remember. But, I feel differently about him and we argued last night. I feel insecure. Even though I know he is not the type to cheat, and my friend has a boyfriend so I don't think they is actually anything going on there, I just felt unloved when they appeared to be flirting. It was my birthday and a lot of people couldn't come out for my birthday so I was already feeling down. My best friend turned up late as she had been invited to another birthday before I invited her to mine. I just feel a bit confused and partly just want to cup these people out and move away and start a fresh. What should I do?
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best friend, drunk, flirt, has a boyfriend, insecure, jealous, unloved Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2018): It seems the problem here is your boyfriend, trust, questioning your relationship, you are unsure of him regardless.
As I said only you know what you saw and whether it was what it seemed.
I'm going to hazard a guess he knows already there's a problem and what it is. Unless you speak to him he cannot explain his side. So the only thing you can do now is communicate how you feel and see if your relationship is worth salvaging. Best of luck
A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (20 November 2018):
BettyBoup is verified as being by the original poster of the question I hear you and although most of my "friends" didn't make it, I did get some great gifts and well wishes. I was just feeling a bit down because a few people who had said they were coming, cancelled on the day. Rationally I know it's life, but I felt sad about it.
I think I felt insecure about the flirting. I just saw like a lust in his eyes and behaviour. He was like a pidgeon puffing out his chest. I dont remembet sering that kind of look on his face for me. It's like she brought out something in him that he hasn't had with me.
I doubt either will remember it and I tried to just sit there and laugh it off when it was happening, looking at my other friend, but it made me feel so awkward so I just left. It may be childish but I just feel less into him now. He may not have cheated, but I still felt lack of respect. I also doubt the strength of our relationship. He's turned down sex the last few days, and I feel myself retreating and not wanting to talk to him or anyone. He probably thinks I'm just being a B. I don't really want to say that I think I saw him flirting. I don't want to plant that in his head if he is totally oblivious. It might make future interactions awkward and he might blurt it out when drunk. But I feel like he needs to know how I feel and why.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2018): I guess unless someone was actually there and witnessed it no one can say for sure they was flirting. My ex boyfriend met my best friend and she was married at the time and they got on well and giggled a lot together when we had a drink, to be honest with you I didn't think they was flirting, I just saw it that they got on and I wasn't worried. He had also had a one night stand prior to meeting me with one of my best friends at the time and again they got on well and I didn't see her as a threat. However he had another ex and I knew she was after causing trouble for us both so how I felt was completely different.If she is your best friend and you have never had a reason to doubt her then I think you need to give benefit of the doubt here and same for him. You have admitted you was low, who is to say they were just in high spirits and to be fair is it not nice for your boyfriend to get no with your friends? Think about this reasonably and look at all angles before you jump to conclusions. You have said he isn't the type to cheat, she is your best friend and has a fella, you was not yourself, you seem also to be annoyed she went to a birthday bash before you but in my opinion that means she wanted to spend MORE time with you so saved best till last rather than leave you early. They were both drunk and if you was drinking it can cloud your judgement especially if you was already feeling down.Ask yourself honestly if they really were flirting based on facts!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2018): I guess unless someone was actually there and witnessed it no one can say for sure they was flirting.
My ex boyfriend met my best friend and she was married at the time and they got on well and giggled a lot together when we had a drink, to be honest with you I didn't think they was flirting, I just saw it that they got on and I wasn't worried.
He had also had a one night stand prior to meeting me with one of my best friends at the time and again they got on well and I didn't see her as a threat. However he had another ex and I knew she was after causing trouble for us both so how I felt was completely different.
If she is your best friend and you have never had a reason to doubt her then I think you need to give benefit of the doubt here and same for him. You have admitted you was low, who is to say they were just in high spirits and to be fair is it not nice for your boyfriend to get no with your friends?
Think about this reasonably and look at all angles before you jump to conclusions. You have said he isn't the type to cheat, she is your best friend and has a fella, you was not yourself, you seem also to be annoyed she went to a birthday bash before you but in my opinion that means she wanted to spend MORE time with you so saved best till last rather than leave you early. They were both drunk and if you was drinking it can cloud your judgement especially if you was already feeling down.
Ask yourself honestly if they really were flirting based on facts!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2018): You seem to be wading in a pool of emotions about the night of your birthday. I think you may be a little over-sensitive; because many didn't make it. You felt let-down in general; so the goofing-off between your drunken boyfriend and tipsy best friend hit the sorest of nerves. They simply made you sick with annoyance! You were essentially angry at everybody!
They both have likely forgotten their irritating behavior. They forgot whose night it was after-all. YOURS!!!
They missed the boat on cheering you up; instead went-off on a daffy sideshow of cutting-up with flirtations and intoxication. I would say you are justified in being annoyed; but slightly off the mark about...why? I also might suspect you were a little tipsy and depressed; so you were itching for a fight.
I think you should leave it alone; unless you find solid evidence of impropriety on the part of your friend or boyfriend. You weren't in a frame of mind to judge fairly.
You were at your birthday celebration, and everyone was supposed to act-up and have fun!
You were a little miffed; so anything said or done might have rubbed you the wrong-way! Everyone didn't find the time to celebrate with you; so lets attribute that as partially why you felt so irritated. Not blaming it entirely on the alcohol, but consider the fact they were intoxicated.
You can ask your boyfriend to behave himself around your lady-friends. You'd prefer he didn't get so drunk in public. His behavior embarrassed you; and you weren't quite sure how to take it. You want to be respected as his girlfriend, no matter what the situation or occasion. Drunk or sober!
Leave it at that! You only need to address it in the context and degree that it matters. Not make a big case of it; or cause a big row about something so adolescent. "My boyfriend was flirting with my friend!" It seems just a tad childish!
If they physically put hands on each other, tell him that was inappropriate. As for the friend, I think you need to place some distance between you. She showed her ass, and disrespected your relationship.
If you feel like dumping a few unreliable friends, that sounds reasonable. If you can't put aside some time to show your appreciation for a friend on their birthday; you're a sucky twit, and lower-shelf kind of a friend. Sometimes people are just cheap; and don't want to feel obligated to bring a gift, or buy a round of drinks. So they duck-out on you. Loyalty and devotion is expected from friends!
Don't go overboard about the flirtation issue. You say he's not the cheating kind; so either he is, or he isn't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2018): If she is your best friend, I think you should talk with her and tell her how her actions that night made you feel. Tell her how awkward and betrayed you felt, and try to do it in a way that is not confrontational, so she will not be put on the defensive and can be open to apologize to you. You don't just throw away a best friendship based on one bad night, but tell her that you will not be comfortable spending much time with her if she continues to flirt with your boyfriend. Then give her a chance to see if she can change that behavior and win your trust back. The same goes for your boyfriend. Have the same conversation with him, and tell him in a non-accusatory and non-confrontational way how his behavior made you feel, and see if he will apologize. If he doesn't apologize and dismisses your feelings, I would say you may want to re-think the seriousness of the relationship. He can be replaced a lot easier than your best friend. I hope they will both come around. If this has never happened before and was just a one time drunken mistake, I think you can all get past it. I hope for that outcome for you all too. Best R
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