A
female
age
41-50,
*rummyscreenname
writes:A guy that I've had an ongoing flirtation with has told me that he's falling in love with me, after I started to lose interest.The thing is that he is very sweet, he has been hurt before, and he's very attentive- a "good guy", even if he's not dream material. The thing is that, I'm not getting any younger. Maybe I should stop being so picky and just go with him. He's nice enough, I'm sure he'd treat me well. So what if I don't have some fiery passion for him?Besides, I was flirting with him a lot- I sort of led him on. I wanted him to like me! I liked the attention! So what else can I expect? It would be pretty unfair of me to lead him on and then back out at the last minute because I can't handle it when shit gets real.And, I would feel so guilty if I hurt him even more by rejecting him! He's been hurt before, and he doesn't open up easily to people. I don't want to make it worse.Although, we haven't spent a lot of time together in person. Mostly via texts. And I don't think that he knows me nearly as well as he thinks that he knows me.Texting someone a lot isn't the same as really spending time with them.And, he and I do not have the same values. He knows how to use a gun- I don't believe in guns. He's an athiest- I'm very religious. Those kinds of things. But, we have such amazing conversations! He's one of the few people I can really relate to. I just wish I could be more attracted to him!He's not exactly- the kind of guy I go for. I feel like if I dated him, I would just always be tryng to change him.At the same time, I ALWAYS get freaked out and back off when shit gets real. So maybe I'm just making up reasons to avoid getting more involved. I liked flirting with him- when I didn't think it would go anywhere. I'm a bit of a commitment-phobe. But now I feel like a total bitch!Plus, I don't want to lose his friendship. He really is a great friend.I don't know what to do, or what to think. Help!
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male
reader, Charter114  +, writes (5 June 2012):
I've been put through it before. Im the same way. Can't open up. Feel awkward in social situations. Relationships are increasingly harder to both become involved in, and to continue.While I could just sit here and say the same old: listen to your heart bull crap, I'm not going to. I'm going to speak from his perspective. There's too much nice on this site, not enough cold hard truth.Women who lead men on hurt them more than they can imagine. We are still humans. We have emotions. It's hard enough for us to go through growing up listening to what other guys have done, and trying to match up to them just so we can fit in, or stand out of the crowd in a good way.Women are, quite possibly, the most important part of a mans life. If a girl leads us on it makes us feel like we aren't good enough. It makes us feel like the only reason a woman would come onto us is just to hurt us.And people's emotions in relationships change with each passing day. No if's, ands, or buts. I you can't stay with him and at least try to work things out, then obviously the relationship was a waste of time for both of you. If you aren't willing to fight to try to make it work, then why are you here? And why has the entire world forgotten what it means to have a good relationship? A relationship has it's ups and downs. It has it's crash and burn moments. Crap happens. Bt if you can't suck it up and keep pushing forward, then you shouldn't be in a relationship at all.And if it doesn't work out with him, maybe you'll remember him the next time you want to lead a guy on.If you want the attention, get it from him. I don't know of a man alive who can't be coaxed into giving a woman attention. Well, a straight man anyways.I really hope this sheds some sort of light on your situation. I myself have never been lucky enough to have a relationship that ended well. All of my exes have hurt me the same way it seems like you could hurt him. I can't function in society, and I can't get a date to save my life. I'm 18. My life's screwed. Don't mess up both of yours. You seem to really like him if your here asking for help.
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