A
male
age
36-40,
*eremyhillz@ymail.com
writes:I usually date females that are older then me, but just recently I found a girl that I have a lot in common with and she is amazing. Well the problem part is that I have a terrible back for my age and it is hard to have sex most days. I mean at the end of sex i either can't walk or I'm in to much pain to do anything physical for the next couple days. Now she has a high sex drive, which in some ways I am complaining about and some ways I'm not. I try to run from the problem I guess you can say by telling her I'm too tired or some other stupid thing... I really love her and she means the world to me, but is there some way to break it to her that my injury is worse then what i say it is with out making either of us feel bad. I also don't like talking about it because I get people feeling sorry for me and show pity which drives me nuts. Anyone in my shoes or know what to do?
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (11 August 2010):
 I have a back injury (herniated disc) and it is difficult to convey the chronic pain to others without appearing to be a victim. I reckon if this girl thinks a lot of you then she will see quality not quantity is important. You should see your doctor and explain the problem, as well as booking sessions with a physiotherapist. I don't know what sort of back problem you have but treatment may help, as well as specific back strength exercises. You are rather young to be going through life suffering from such a condition. I also think there are sexual positions that are probably more back-friendly than others so search on google for some tips.
A
female
reader, T-Marie +, writes (11 August 2010):
 Hey there,
First things first, you HAVE to go to the doctors and be completely honest with them about how serious the problem with your back is! Covering up how much pain you are in will not help anyone. It will just mean that they can't treat you properly and you will remain in this pain and in this situation.
As for your girlfriend, just be completely honest with her. It would make her feel worse that she hasn't known she is inadvertantly hurting you.
Just talk to her and explain how bad your back really is, and if you're worried about getting sympathy explain that to her too. If she cares for you she will be happy to ease off on the sex a little. Also you could try finding positions that don't hurt you too much, missionary will not do you any favours, try taking her from behind with her on all fours and you kneeling up, her on top or perhaps with you both remaining laid on your sides facing each other these should take some strain off your back.
I hope this helps xxx T
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