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*assybz04
writes: I think my bf, with whom I share a child, doesn't love or care for me any more. He doesn't call or come around, and when he does, it seems like it's only for a ride, sex, money or something stupid like that. He will go days without calling me. (But if I do that he will accuse me of cheating.) Do I try to make it work or just leave his butt?
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female
reader, sexseahot  +, writes (17 November 2005):
 I'm sure this boyfriend of yours wouldn't appreciate you treating him in such manor. You should just leave him. Let him be the ex-boyfriend that it seems he's being already. If he wants to come and see his kid, that's fine, he has the right, but move on with your life and be happy. He don't seem like he's making you very happy and that's not a very good environment to bring your child up in. He needs a happy mommy:) If he's using you like this, maybe have a talk with him if you want this to work, but if nothing changes you should definitely let him go his own way so he can still do whatever he wants, but you don't have to worry about it or care what he's doing.
You have your own life and you have a child to bring up in it. He may have a irresponsible father, but just because he's the baby's father, you definitely don't need to stay with him. Let this guy know you are not afraid to lose him and if he continues on with this behavior he's gonna do just that. You're not going to be there anymore for anything that he wants, unless of course he wants to see his child. There's not reason for you to be giving this guy whatever he wants and he don't want to make the commitment to his family for this to work out.
There are many others out there that would be happy to be there for their family. You may even be better on your own without this guy. You practically already are on your own, but someone's using you. So let this someone that's using you go and still be on your own.
If this guy don't care about you and his child, then he's not worth anything that you are giving him.
I hope my opinion helps you. I just don't think it's right the way this guy is treating you and I'm pretty sure you can do SOOO much better.
Good Luck!
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (17 November 2005):
 The short answer is: you're not married to him. You don't HAVE to make it work.
From the little you've written, he sounds like a capital-L Loser and a sponge. You and your child would be better off if your baby doesn't grow up thinking that your boyfriend is behaving "normally" for a male role-model.
Of course you must absolutely allow your boyfriend see, care for, and help raise your child. (The law usually insists on that, but it's morally the correct thing to do, until the child is old enough to make up his/her own mind about him.)
However, that doesn't mean that you allow yourself to be used and used and used, like some cheap hooker, by your bludging boyfriend.
You need to get some legal advice (most Councils/Shires/County governments can refer you to low-cost or free legal aid) about shared custody of your child. Please look into it as soon as possible. Make arrangements for regular child-maintenance payments from your boyfriend... but DO NOT allow yourself to become the General Store (where your bf drops by to pick up whatever he needs), or the "ex-girlfriend with benefits". That's a terribly demeaning relationship, and it will show on your self-esteem in no time at all. You'll grow to hate yourself for seeming to be "worth nothing" - because that's how he's treating you.
Yes, by all means, "leave his butt". Someone who uses you until they use you up is no boyfriend at all.
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