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female
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*avekitten
writes: I don't know were to begin, I love my fiance very very much. But to honest there are a lot of things we need to talk about I just don't how to talk to him. It sounds wierd because we known each other for so long, but when I go to talk to him, I just can't. So I just shy away. There are a lot of things that I need to get of my chest. How do I talk to him without hurting him or having him laugh at me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2005): sit him dwon and make him talk to you. If you really love this man and he loves you he will take you seriously when you tell him what has been bothering you. many people suffer from fear of rejection at some point or another, however you call this man you fiancee, so the fear doesn't have as strong a basis. A real man will listen to what you have to say and give you positive feedback, if your "fiancee" can't do that than he doesn't deserve you and you can do better. hope this helps sincerely, DC
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (17 November 2005):
 Don't you think it would be a good idea to hold off on the wedding? Should you really be talking about *marrying* a man who "laughs at" you when you try to get something off your chest?
Good communication skills are the absolute cornerstone of longterm relationships like marriage. If you can't discuss things seriously with your fiance, then, I'm sorry dear, you're not ready to marry this guy.
Think about the problems this inability to have talks with him will cause you in a year, or three, or ten. What if you feel unhappy in your career and want to discuss going back to school for further education? Could you tell him that? What if you and he disagree about having children, or about how to discipline the ones you might have? Can you see yourself making your feelings known on where you live, whether or not your children get religious training, how you feel about the dog sleeping on the bed? Do you plan on discussing your plans and crazy dreams with him as you two grow old and grey together -- or are you just going to continue to wring your hands and "shy away", keeping your feelings to yourself, until you're 90?
Honestly, hon. I don't want to seem mean, but getting married is waaaayyyy easier than getting divorced, and if you don't feel confident in talking to the man you want to be your husband, then you're very likely headed for all stations on the Divorce Train.
If you really feel that your relationship is great in every other way, then I urge you to drag him (if you must) to pre-marital counselling and for both of you to learn how to communicate with the other party, comfortably and practically. THEN, and only then, should you talk about marriage.
If you have other doubts about him - and I'm concerned about your comment that he gets "hurt" and/or "laughs" when you try to talk to him - then you need to spend a bit more time thinking deeply to yourself about whether you want to be in a relationship with someone who you can't talk to without hurt feelings on someone's part.
"Forever" is a very long time to be with someone you can't talk to.
Take care.
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